on my own

Loving the new song...

2012-01-29T11:21:00.000-08:00

Loving this new song by Brian Joo... i never even heard of that guy until this song, Let this Die came out on youtube... hehe.. enjoy!!!

i think i like this new song coz its so so different from the normal korean songs which made me almost stereotype the korean songwriters to knowing only how to write slow songs and choreograph dances. The dances i love... the songs.. i usually mute it.. but this one really made me want to listen to it over and over again.. i love how jk raps in the song... I do think that the song is a combo between great piano recitals and a hint of the 90s type of reggae music... only that its tempo is faster with much deeper meaning to the lyrics than what drugged out reggae songwriters could have written in the past..

I think finding the translation for this song may have been the best action i had ever made in months... it made me realize that the song was right... sometimes we do trap ourselves in the past because it just seems more familiar and we do find it hard to let it go. Although this song is more relationship based than the philosophy i had just describe, sometimes i do think that when the past is no longer valid, we just have to let it go, or in this case let it die... definitely loving it to the fullest!!

Sweet Serendipity

2012-01-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

and i am doing just fine

i am always landing on my feet

in the nick of time

i might have skinned my teeth

i ain't gonna stress

the worst could happen yet

something's watching over me

Like sweet serendipity..

Love love love this song... makes me happy...

xoxo

Nikki

The bad ass chick is up

2012-01-12T03:37:00.000-08:00

i never tried drawing my waterline before... and the only thing that i can say is... I really look like a bad girl... had to take a pic with the dorky glasses to soften it up..

start or not???

2012-01-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

it has been a week after 2012... i kinda feel so empty inside. if there is a kind of post that i post... then i do post a lot of emo post... in a lot of times, i feel that i have not yet fulfilled my full potential in this world... the more i think of it, the more i realized that i am just wasting my time away... do i start now, while i feel that i need to improve? or do i start later when i can finally sit down and think of stuff the way i do? i feel that the things of what i want to do is just out there, waiting for me to reach out and take it... if i do admit to myself, i do admit that i am impatient to do what i wanna do now

i keep reminding myself everyday to be patient, to wait for the right time to go forward... but do i have time? do i have the patience? but then i have no choice on being patient, right? i HAVE to be patient... then i ask myself, why am i idling right now? not doing enough to prepare myself when the time comes... then at this time, i feel like i am at crossroads... in fact, to be honest, i am not preparing myself for that right time and preparation is gold for that golden moment when i start...

the main point is, i have to start, even if it means that i have to start in the middle of my exam time, i do have to start and still juggle with my exams and all... i just feel that this is the right time... and i hope that i am right...

努力

2011-11-23T00:20:00.000-08:00

林佳馨，打起精神！！自己不是白痴，而是一位有感情，非常珍惜友谊的一个人！！！加油！！做得到的！！现在的所有烦恼都是暂时的！！！自己的未来才是最重要的。。。冲啊！！！

cray-crayness..

2011-11-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

Tick Tock, Tick Tock,

There goes the clock...

I used to take time for granted... now i am scrambling for time itself...

2 programs, 2 reports... all due tomorrow... and i still dun understand how to update the JTable... i feel so stupid and useless these days... my program can run perfectly... but then it doesnt give me the output that i desire... shit shit shit... i dun think i will be able to pass it up tomoro... even the database itself updates perfectly... not my JPanel... or my JTable for the fact... stupid fire doesnt even work... going once, going twice... i am OFFICIALLY CRAZY!!!

by someone or something who is going cray-cray...

time and time again

2011-10-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Is it time for me to feel again i wonder? At least I know now that i can feel other emotions other than the norm... as i had for a long long time... Time and time again i wonder when i would feel again... but this is not the time nor the place... and if i had nothing to lose then i probably would have completed what i wanted to do since i was a little kid... but with everything to lose and my instinctive fear of the unknown, I will not pursue things i want to pursue... somehow it makes me a coward and i hate that feeling...

Steve Jobs once said in his 2005 commencement "Live everyday as it is your last and you will overcome your fear of pursuing your dreams"... but then being brought up in a family that tolerates no failures... this habit of mine is hard to curb, especially when i hit potholes in the journey of my life... my mom was not even allowed to make mistakes when she was here... how can i as a mere daughter make mistakes in my life? especially mistakes that will involve my family financially... sometimes i do feel that there is more installed for me in the future rather than i am now... Can i wait? Do i wait?

The rambling thoughts of my mind...

nikki...

Inglot!!!

2011-05-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

Damn it!!! I actually managed to let another soft opening of another famous new store to slip pass me again..!!! Anyway... i am too lazy to move now after exam so soft opening or whatsoever, be damned... haha... o... by the way... their soft opening is today and its held at Sunway pyramid, KL...haha...

haha... anyway... inglot is actually a british brand and their eye shadow colours are amazing... coz they blend out so beautifully and so smoothly that it feels like you are kind of working with water colors instead of eyeshadows... haha.. at least that is what xSparkage said... she did a few makeup tutorials using these eyeshadows... and i am actually surprised that they would have their first south east asian store in malaysia rather than singapore... in my opinion... i think they do have better quality makeup products than Mac.. coz when you compare all the swatches on the online pics using Mac products with Inglot products... Inglot products actually do fare better... but then i think even if i went there... i would only do some busybody-ing only... coz it would be more expensive than what i will be able to afford anyway...

anyway... since coming to kl... my main hobby is to molest all the goods that i cant really afford anyway... haha... but it is educational... makes you know the difference between the real and the fake products without having to go through all the spendings and stuff like that...

anyways.. with the acid splasher hanging around the sunway area recently... i doubt that i would even think of putting one foot on the turf of sunway pyramid when i don't have a car to promise me that i could go back straight away... so... sigh... longing... hehe... INGLOT!!!

signing off...

these days...

2011-05-24T02:37:00.000-07:00

these days i am feeling really really lazy... i am having my exams in 3days... i still havent touched the book yet... i already looked through the question though... i am like thinking... if die die lo.. who cares... and i may come to regret thinking like that directly after the exams... i let myself down...

these days... i think i finally realized who i am... it finally made me realized that i have once again reverted back to the old me.. the old me before anything drastic in my life happened... i think for the first time in two years.. or maybe more than that, i can finally say that my mental scars healed... it was a long journey... but finally i can now safely say that i no longer narrow my views to just one strict path... drastic changes in your life can make you that way... some say that drastic changes make you mature.. but in my case, i think it made me more pessimistic.. more blind... more hurtful to others... but then i have also changed a lot... i don't 100% resemble my old self either... its as if everything just blended into place... tucked into the corners where they are necessary... it made me realize how stupid i am in handling all my previous problems... how naive i am... only my subconscious saved me from doing the wrong thing i guess... if i could have relived my life again... i would actually wish to right all the things that i have done... the decisions i made.. especially my naive self at that time of my life.. being pushed to one decision so subtly that i didn't realize that i was being coerced into doing so.. my mother's art of knowing me too well... but then she must have had her reason why..i was just simply not there to understand why... or maybe i do.. but i just dun wanna admit it... but then that was simply the biggest part of me that regretted the decision that i have made..

now i think i am better at getting myself out of ditches.. making my own decisions on choosing a path that i think will solve my problem... and the thought of actually solving a problem is a big improvement for me... in fact.. i dun think i linger on a solution that has no outings anymore... and sometimes... showing some stupidity helps... in fact... it helps a lot..!! but then stupidity is there for a reason.. to give an excuse not to think too much... haha... but these days... i think it is due to the lack of sleep.. i keep losing my trail of thoughts... especially in conversations.. and then i noticed i also panicked for reasons that are already evident why they are there in the first place... so exams.. i have a question for you... why are you draining my life right in front of my eyes, drop by drop? haha... as if the term exams are human..

anyway... cheers, going to sign off now..

what i find disturbing...

2011-05-11T02:49:00.000-07:00

http://lifestyle.malaysia.msn.com/Relationships/Singletons/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4822304&page=0

The above is actually an article about what turns a guy off about single ladies... To be honest... i find the fact number 1 to 6 a turn off ABOUT GUYS... not that all guys are necessary like that... but then either coincidentally or not... it describes the fact why i dump those previous guys i dated... they are simply the overdoses of all those 6 facts... clingy, dunno what they want, plan for a picket fence and childrens not on the third date... but on the SECOND freaking date!!! But the thing i find as the biggest turn off in the history of mankind, is not sticking and bearing all the good and bad part of an activity that you will know will bring you advantages in the end. All those whining are simply ANNOYING!!!

I don't know why women insist on dreaming up a family and having lots of kids when they are the ones bearing those labor pains and 9 months of excruciating pregnancy. I think it is unfair to label all the above facts entirely to women... and since all childrens have one biological mother and one biological father, it just makes sense that those characters can be inherited either by the female or the male child... so everyone in this world, either u are a guy or a girl, u will have a 50% chance of having those traits.. do not and please do not make the same mistake of prototyping a gender to a character...

痴情...

2011-04-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i can't understand a person waiting for someone until it spans to years... especially when a person is so young...maybe its because i haven't been able to love another person in a long time already... or i am probably just envying the power and the willingness to wait for a memory... for me... a person needs only to wait on another person for a maximum of 5 years, more than that, i most probably will attach stupidity on his or her head. for me, unless you are waiting for a person whom u are married to, your maximum waiting time is 5 years... if it drags more than that, it really makes a person wonder whether they ever think about the factors of people changing over time. as time passes, people change, new habits are developed, new set of conversations are spoken, new sets of hobbies are taken up... so what do you have left in common with the person you have not seen for years? let alone have a relationship with something nearer to a mirage rather than reality? this is just my opinion, this article can mainly just be a case study of my natural curiousity..

ps... comments are widely welcomed...

mood swings...

2011-04-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

for me the definition of mood swings have always been more towards the downside of it... the feeling of being pressed on the chest so hard, that your breath feels long and choppy.. the feeling as if your heart has dropped to the deepest end of your soul, beating and working too hard to keep you alive... the feeling of what people call depression... that is what i am feeling half an hour ago... the feeling of being so down in the pit that you struggle so hard to make yourself come out of that hole again...

sometimes, i do wonder, can i blame what i experienced through so far? people may understand if you tried to explain it... but when you come to think of it... is it only an excuse for you to do so? shouldn't you learn to not feel it and get out of it all the time when you do? previously when i felt this way... i would just sleep myself through the emotion then wake up unscathed... Although i noe its the coward's way out but most of the times it works... but at times it would turn worst... plunging me into full depression where i would just wake up crying because my heart felt just so squished... i think the saddest people in the world are people who can't get or wouldn't try to even get themselves out of what they are feeling.. when luxury becomes the norm, emotions are your worst enemy... i know them well... and i hate them for such a reason...

my solution for this? rock music... although people may say that the more you listen to rock music or hip hop music, the more violent your soul is... i guess if that is true then my soul is indeed violent... i love those musics... and i rarely listen to soft musics... if i can avoid them altogether... i hate them sometimes in fact... that is why i can never sit in my dad's car without my earphones on or have something to distract me from the music he likes... but what i like about rock music is that when u are feeling down... it kinds of drowns out all of the unwanted emotion.. making your path in front clear and peaceful again... although the lyrics say otherwise.. i guess maybe i am just not like other girls... which i cant say much of it...

Nikita signing off..

Annual dinner night at aprilfools day 2011

2011-04-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

Haha... vain photos of myself b4 annual dinner...it washed my blush out due to the sunlight outside... but then i dun think there was enuf of it to begin with...

I think the nature of my makeup didnt really show up well in the pictures... but i never really seen myself with full makeup before this... and when i walked halfway to gwen's place, i was so damn paranoid that i started to call her... my first words were:
"oh my god, gwen..."
and her first words were:
"are u ok or not?"
hahaha... it was so damned funny... i was freaking out coz i never wear full makeup. They scare me coz i looked scarily pretty... and i do mean scarily pretty... coz it doesnt really look like me and at the same time it is an extra enhanced version of me... as if i had implants or something... haha... anyway... nevermind that... the email told us to be at the busstand by 5.30... i kept rushing gwen to finish her stuff on time. I on the other hand was throwing stuff inside gwen's dinner bag, while she prepared as fast as she could and when we got there... the bus was not even half full.. Then we started chatting in the bus... in the middle of the convo, i just suddenly asked gwen:
"gwen, did u take the mos ticket..." and she was like "o shit"... haha... we worried about the time coz the email said we were supposed to depart at 5.30 and it was already 5.50. In the end we just decided to ask the guy who was in charge whether we could go and get our stuff then come back or something. Luckily he said that they were departing at 6pm or else we are surely busted... we kind of ambled on towards gwen's room with our super high heels and looking at gwen's expression at the time... the shoes should have caused her a lot of pain...anyway.. we managed to get everything we wanted and came back sharp at 6pm... i think most of the vietnamese attended the annual dinner and most of the girls really dressed themselves up in debutante dresses which were white and flowy with a lot of chiffon going on... compared to them, my dress felt very casual. As bad as i normally am... i was thinking..."they are sure gonna regret their decision of dressing up in debutante dresses..." I thought of that because:
1. they cannot go clubbing with those dresses...
2.they are gonna have a hard time cleaning the hem of the dress coz they are going to walk through a pile of not exactly clean and dry floor
haha... i know i am evil... just don't remind me of it...

this is the main entrance of the sunway pyramid hotel... i went here once... i like the pool area, it was nice... but other than that... this hotel is freaking expensive with room prices of rm400 to rm500 per night...
me posing with the fake elephant outside the hotel...

gwen posing in front of the elephant in front of the hotel...

gwen taking pix of the girls u see on the left hand side of the pix above...

me and gwen... so sweet...hehe..
me and gwen showing off...hehe...

i noe its kind of disgusting sometimes... but then this pic is at the toilet area... haha... we made sure that it didn't smell before taking this pic.. u can see my eyes are red that day.. its not the play of the light...

ok... gwen was right... i do look scary in this pic... i think i look like a phantom...haha...

my shoes are the black ones... gwen's is the hot pink cinderella one... hehe... i chose that shoe because i was thinking more about clubbing later on than anything else...

another pic of our shoes...hmmm... my decision wasn't so bad... coz i saw another girl really had on the hard core boots for the annual dinner night...

this was the opening ceremony of the annual dinner "deception" 2011... i am a lousy photographer... i admit... hehe... it looks more like a nuclear explosion than the laser light...
me and gwen... hehe... i love this pic the best... thank you chuan yang for taking our photo... or else it would end up badly...hehe... if i took it...

we went to MOS i think around 11 and partied until 3am in the morn... had only one glass of white wine coz it was complimentary... the dj rocks... i really like the techno songs he played... and some of the girls from the prom even got artistic and did a stripper like dance on the podium (hehe.. sorry boys... it's sans the stripping of clothes part). me and gwen really dance till our feet ached like crazy.. anyway... after that we went to 7 11 for awhile and bought a drink and waited for the bus later on... in the bus... we slept from the time we departed from mos...until we reached semenyih... i dunno much about gwen but i knew i felt instantly awake when i opened my eyes and saw that we had already reached semenyih... later on... we were like contemplating whether to go to gwen's room or not... coz she said the moment she hit her room, she didn't think that she wanted to come out anymore... but in the end we did and luckily we did, coz i dun think that she would be able to walk properly in those heels when we finally finished our drinking session and came back in the morning...

hehe... daniel and chuan yang were so sweet... they walked me back to my hall and daniel accompanied me until my doorstep... i did sway at least 3 times because of drunkenness... haha... i dun even think drunkenness is a word... anyway...i dropped the keys when i was outside my room.. daniel laughed... and i was wondering in my inebriated state how i got myself into this position... haha... anyway.. the drinking session was fun... and tip of the day: NEVER EVER AND I SAID NEVER EVER mix kickapoo with a bottle of mandarin tasted vodka... yuck... that was the worst drink ever in my life... it tasted like those antibiotic lemony cough medicine they give in RIPAS... ewww... only that it is worst because of the alcohol smell... 7up and vodka is not that bad but then it still tasted like meds... only that it is now in my number 2 lists of worst drink ever in my life... hahaha... i was knocked out after that session... and i dunno how i even managed to have a shower in that state before i collasped on the bed...

note from this experience: never do it again if u can avoid it.. the vodka tasted like shit with sodas, and never wear high heels when u noe u are going to get drunk...hahaha...

to my mom

2011-04-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

scene:

Finally my tweety bag is mended, i despaired it over the few days coz it was my favorite bag and it was so cute but the thing was that it was plastic which means although i suck at needlework, i couldn't just mend it with a few clumsy stitches. I have to thank the maid for doing such a good job over it. finally i spotted her as she walked into her room.

"Terima kasih ya" I told the maid. She looked at me blankly and just nodded her head. Seeing her confusion i pointed to my bag, so she nodded her head again. My mom came and she asked me,
"你在做什么，佳馨？"
“哦，啊咪啊，你看他帮我做的...”
"他怎么可能会帮你做这些...是我做的。"
with that sentence she looked a bit wounded that i would think that the maid repaired my bag instead of her.
"妈咪啊，我真的以为是他做的，因为我真的以为你叫他做的嘛"
"不是他做的，你觉得他会做到这样好给你吗？"
“但是你每次都只是疼eu kean 而已，你都不疼我的...”
"为什么你会这样子想呢？你不知道孩子如果像爸爸或妈妈就等于他的爸爸或妈妈就疼她比较多吗？"
with a hurt look she turned away teary eyed and just walked towards the master bedroom, i stood there watching her, while stroking the silk pieces of cloth that she uses to mend my bag. Even with my 9 year old eyes i could see the perfect and tight stitches she used to make the pieces of cloth stay on the plastic tweety bag. My heart felt warm, secure while i regretted hurting her that much during that day. My 9 year old mind could see what a desperate mother and wife she had become when she just came back from the philippines with my dad. If i could turn back time and correct what i was saying that day, i would have dearly with all my heart...

writing as chia shing in this piece...

i hate these days

2011-03-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

i hated my sunday... i was bored the whole day through... although the food was great, i can't taste it... it looked great in other ways... i felt a whole lot of nostalgia going over me... face it, chia shing... i am just not happy... i don't like the conversations, it just plain freaks me out, and i hate putting myself into a vulnerable position with people i just plain have no feelings with... i feel as if i am this doll playacting in her own prissy role, acting delicate, overly sweet just for the sake of the day, dress up because plain vanity and pride won't let me act otherwise... i kept thinking to myself, when did i become such a bitch in my life? why did i get myself in a position i abhor as plain as day? its just why why why until i really pleaded to go back because of sleepiness... which i didnt feel on that day... i should solve this problem... i just need to act upon it...

On monday, it was already 13.50 and my class starts at 14.00, my marathon of smses started again... while i was getting my phone out, my keys fell off somewhere... i spent 15 minutes searching for it... finally found it beside the staircase.. silly me... silly me for being so frustrated till everything in my life turned upside down... still the smses annoyed me for the whole day...
i feel as if i want to throw the phone off just to have my peace, keep my cool... i didnt reply it... i just didnt want to talk, i don't want to see it...

tuesday, its another morning nikita again... seriously, i am really starting to hate that name...if i received another okluu... or another sniff or another T.T or another ones of my full names...i am going to dump my phone into the dustbin...seriously this is just pissing me off big time... can't u get it into your freaking head that "I DON'T LIKE TO BE STALKED"...? i don't like to reply to each and every single sms like i have to pass up reports... i don't even have to reply them... seriously my total sms reach like 200 to 300 in ONE DAMNED FREAKING WEEK!!! i can't concentrate, i can't study, i can't freaking just focus... the one thing i am assured of myself is that, i am selfish by nature... i always will be...so just leave me in peace or else i will freaking chuck u out myself...

2011-03-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

"mary, long time no see", i raised my tawny head and realized that it was him, he came back, my first and probably the last one who filled my heart and soul.. the familiar strong slavic features, the lush thickness of his lips tilted at the corners for a leeway of a smile...

"why didnt u give me a call before u came here?" i asked, he shrugged.

"would you have agreed to meet with me if i did, mary?"

i stared down into those fathomless eyes of his... his dark brown irises speckled with yearning.. it chipped at me inside... then i turned away and started to walk towards my apartment... suddenly he took a step forward and reached out for my arms..

"look at me, mary, we still haven't solved this between us"

"jason, please, let the past be the past... there are no us now.. just let me go" he turned me around, using those strong callused fingers i know so well to tilt up my face, forcing me to look at him in the eyes..for awhile i lost myself there... yearning for what he could give me, yet i was afraid of reaching out to him, for what i could have had or would have with him if i just gave my feelings a chance to grow and mature... yet the unknown sparked up my fear again and again, forcing me to turn my face aside..

"mary.." he leaned his forehead against my temple, i could feel his breath down the collar of my workclothes. i laid my hands on his chest, intending to push him away. But at once it felt as if my hands was paralyzed to the feel of his deep chest, the warm baritone that caused his chest to rumble...
"let me go jason...please do it right now..."he clasped me tighter into his arms seeming to be more and more reluctant to release me as each second passed... then coldness, my body felt the loss of his comfortable heat. he looked at me in the eyes once more and tipped his hat in a mock then smiled that mischievious grin of his before he strode away from me... but not before i caught the sad look in his eyes, as he slowly walked away from my cowardice in silence...

excerpt from iridescence

secret garden!!! last part of last episode!!!

2011-01-28T22:07:00.001-08:00

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Ok, i am gonna do a review about the korean drama, secret garden... the first thing that i can mention about secret garden is that its so damn touching. i even think that it is one of the best dramas i ever watch.

its actually about an eccentric CEO of a department store(hyun bin) falling in love with a stuntwoman(ha ji won) the first time he saw her. i love the whole storyline. although admittedly i did feel a bit bored with the front part, and when the switching soul occurred in the drama during i think the third or the fourth episode, i started to think that it is probably so boring that the director have to resort to out-of-the-character stuff to make it interesting. i thought it will leave it at that and just go on with the whole show, but then when episode 15 started, it was getting better and better and i was totally captivated with the whole show after that.. when i watched episode 16 i almost wanted to cry out loud in the campus' computer room... and i don't know how i managed to do it but then only some tears managed to seep out while i restrained myself from crying..

i think if it is not the only best shows hyun bin did, then it is as good or even better than the drama, My name is Kim Sam Soon. his acting skills really showed up great here...everyone should watch it and he's so funny!!! the ending was so nice that i had to watch it like 6 times to feel content about the whole thing... you've got to watch it from start to finish to get why they put it there... and i think it was a fitting ending to the whole story!!! so damn nice!!! watch it, then you'll see why...

kim hyun joong!!!

2010-12-22T09:46:00.000-08:00

he was right not to give her his phone number... if a person is not interested then its correct not to give anymore misleading signals... this is called self-preservation...

but haha, hyun joong's scandal at Hong Kong is just plain hilarious. i LOL when i saw the news before this...haha

probably getting scolded these few days...

2010-12-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

finally going back to penang tomorrow.. for some reasons i am not going to say i actually prefer staying here than go back to grandma's house... dad will probably stick me at grandma's house for the full week anyway... and there is really no point going back to kedah, coz all my aunts are going for the japan trip... i miss my brothers, my dad and my aunts... my uncle as well for the fact but not my father's side... i don't even know them although we are all related by blood... and i miss mom, missing mom the most... the only consolation i have going to penang is to see mom... i sometimes hate myself for yearning stuff that i can't have... but sometimes is my request so much that it is unreasonable to wish for it... perhaps so... that's all i could say...

going to kl sentral tomorrow with gi hyeon first then dropping off to take the bus.. bye bye kuala lumpur for the moment... hello dentist and penang and mom, here i come?!

Shing Shing

xtra xtras..

2010-12-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

haven't told u about how yesterday's presentation turned out to be...

well we actually had class at 9am yesterday... and yeah!!! its my first time wearing glasses outside my room, house or dorm in 2 years... not because i am vain.... haha, probably i am before i changed to the new one, my last one was like slanted to one side, and the lenses were like coming off all the time... i tried to have all the problems corrected but in the end, the only choice left for me was to buy a new one... and i am so used to wearing colored lenses or just lenses in general that i felt weird wearing glasses already. it really felt weird coz i was like debating all the time whether to wear the glasses for class or not and i kind of miss that carefree feeling of not caring whether the glasses were falling off the bridge of your nose or you were just plainly looking at someone with that "schoolmarm style". anyway... i showed up for class at 9.10am. i really thought i was ten minutes late and rushed into the lab with my glasses askew. then gi hyeon and fathin were like clapping their hands coz its the first time they see me with glasses... hell, its the first time in two years i wore glasses out in the public... haha... then i think it was fathin who said that selvaraj, our lecturer, would be coming in only at 10am... sigh... i was saying, "then what's the reason i come in so early for? " and gi hyeon just answered "that's why..."... -_-"(sweat)...

then when selvaraj came in, bahgya just went out... then she called gi hyeon later on and claimed that she had headache and that she was not feeling well so she wanted her to pass the laptop to her downstairs at the blue building's lobby... i knew she was lying... hell, everybody knew she was lying... and i want to see if she felt any guilt about it so i followed gi hyeon downstairs... but she didn't show up for 5 min and the class was already starting... so i told gi hyeon not to wait and just give me the phone while she was calling bahgya... i intended to talk to her but she hanged the phone up... so i said to gi hyeon that we should teach her a lesson and leave her hanging in the lobby.. so in the end she agreed and we went up. bahgya had no choice later but to attend the class...and i passed the laptop to her personally. not to say i really hate her but then i will like her more if she is just a bit less selfish with her ways... because of all her whining, the whole class got stuck with two tests per week with 3 assignments to pass up together... that is why she is in my blacklist right now...

anyway, after the morning class, we went straight to tesco... i had claypot kuey teow... it was nice.. but i miss penang food... i think its the best ever... but then u can't find anything here that lives up to the penang standard... and i miss the sushi and the roti canai in brunei as well as the cheap nasi lemak and kari in kedah... seriously 1 packet of that only cost 50cents... miss it so much... anyway we went and did some grocery shopping... but the computer at the cashier crashed so we had to wait for the manager to come, while the cashier banged the lid of the receipt printer up and down for several times... then of course the time went pass our supposed appointment time... then when we went back to the campus...we couldn't find selvaraj in his room nor in BA06, so we went to the lab to check our email... turns out that he said 1.15 to 2 pm he would be out for lunch and he would be available only at 2.15pm... so we waited until the time came and fathin went in for the presentation first... i was like walking up and down, greeting what seemed like too many lecturers at that time, feeling as if i was waiting for my belated death sentence... coughing... ok, that was, choi choi choi choi choi... then i thought why not listen to the question that he would ask fathin later.. so i listened then i heard him say something about user... then i was like, "shit what user, what user? i never got anything starting with user before.." then i was listening so hard for any voices inside the room that when fathin opened the door i was like so taken aback... hahaha...then the presentation actually turned out ok... i didn't even practice for the thing coz i know it would unsettle me more... so i kinda forgot everything i wrote already... but it turned out that i could think pretty fast... haha, so proud of myself right now... but i answered most of the question with illogical answers... and he took most of it in... coz if i answered wrongly he would give off a funny look...

anyway, after that, programming was like a lullaby to me... i wanted to fall flat on my face and just sleep...but then luckily i didn't or mr chew would personally pick me out and scold me... i now know why his surname is chew, coz he is the monster that chews all his students up with his "oh, that one you will learn only next semester" questions... then he would laugh gleefully over it... evil........ haha... he's not so bad... but only too eccentric for my taste...

nikki signing out...

fathers and their silly habits...

2010-12-10T03:40:00.000-08:00

today, gi hyeon, me and rachel were talking about how our fathers act when it comes to the internet.. i swear one of the funniest things about fathers are that they will call u for every small thing, even for the most random internet pop-ups; and they expect u to read every single thing before u close the window... then when he goes to an unknown website and infects the computer with virus, he will blame u for doing the "deed". hahaha.. so funny, i guess we are all missing our dads at this kind of time, even though they are the ones that annoys you when it comes to doing work for them or in this particular case... the internet... the thing about me is that when it comes to missing our siblings then we will go on and on about it and say at every opportunity that we miss them, but when it comes to our fathers, we blame them about this and that and will never admit that we miss them coz perhaps sometimes they are just too overbearing... but we all kind of miss them all the same...

anyway... i am so dead meat... tomorrow I am going out for the PC fair..sunday, out to watch movie with gwen... the presentation and the assignments handing-in is due on monday, on wednesday i have CSA test... thursday i have programming test as well as practicals... and i only read chpt 2,3(only half of it is finished), and 5 for CSA... programming...i havent even started yet... shit... i am so dead meat...arghhh.... what to do... o ya.. went against my fears yesterday and conquered it.. yeah!!! one victory and a lot of test pending... sigh...

2010-12-03T06:25:00.001-08:00

waiting, waiting... don't know when i will start to learn to trust someone again...

debating, debating.... chaos reins inside of me, whether to live again or to seclude myself in an unknown corner...

the musing of a troubled person....

anyway... i feel really really tired today... i think there was really too much sugar yesterday and me, dennis, kok, sathesh, gi hyeon, obrien... all of us chatted non-stop about crap on fb until 3.30am in the morning. wanted to pass up my work but then i was so tired that i only dragged myself out of bed at 9.30 in the morning... and i can't work, all i wanted was to just sleep so i slept and did my laundry, cleaned my whole room finally and finally picked myself up to wash the dishes after my lunch...man... i didnt drink enough water... it just feels like one of the hangovers after being drunk for the previous night... i was drunk, drunk and high on sugar... haha... seriously what did the arabs put into the drinks and desserts? was i right after all that they put the uncooked poppy seed inside the rice pudding... haha... yesterday just felt weird... coz gi hyeon had sugar high on the sugar syrup rings... dennis couldn't sleep because of coke, obrien just does what he does best which is staying up really really late... i think sathesh was drunk from the club... and what else... haha...

conclusion: almost the whole class of computer science first year was high on at least one of the junk foods we have taken except for sathesh... haha... i think i am still high...coz i had too much sweet drinks just now...

wow... messy room... and charity buffet...

2010-12-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

wow, i really must say my room is super messy right now... with assignments piling up, tests rolling along my path... i now have notes strewn over the place, laundry at every corner and "unannounceable" stuff lying all over the floor. I am thinking to myself right now... what happened to me? i like things neat and tidy but when i am buzy i need to work with complete chaos around me, blaring hip-hop and rock music on my ears... if not, i can never concentrate on one stuff at all... what happened to miss tidy? i think she is hiding inside the closet afraid to go see what her alter ego had done with her person... ughh... it sounds creepy...

anyway, today i had a charity buffet held for the victims in the pakistan flood.... although i don't quite like the nasi briyani because its not fragrant or tasty enough nor the salad as well... the chicken is something that one must never miss out on...juicy with a hint of spiciness, the chicken is really something to die for... o... it really tasted like heaven...

i didn't dare to try the sugar syrup rings for dessert coz if i have sugar overload i will feel very queasy, but i went for the rice pudding though.. for one, the taste itself was interesting... coz at the first try, the scent of one of the spices was already evident on your tongue... then it blends into a sweet sour taste together with a creamy texture of milk. the nuts on the dessert actually added to the unique fragrance of the rice pudding... so nice... and then i was like "okay, i want to figure out what spices they put"... so i tried and tried again and finally deduced it as the taste of poppy seeds where the indians usually like to put in their curries... then when i asked one of the committee members she said it was only rice pudding nothing else... but i still can't give up my deductions until now... haha... so nice... but then because the drink was already too sweet and the dessert itself was a bit sweet and creamy, i still ended up feeling queasy in the end... but overall its a great meal...

one of the arab girls even came by and said hi... then when she found out i was malaysian and gi hyeon was korean, she was comparing us to and fro and said that she can't find the difference between what koreans and malaysian chinese look like... haha... it was funny to me... but in the end she still apologize for being a bit rude on the context... so i guess it was kind of okay... just that i noticed gi hyeon was a bit uncomfortable with the remark... hmm...

ok... change of topic... i still don't understand recursion in java... am i just stupid or is it too hard? coz he gave us the chess topic of the queen in the 8 position... and this is my first class for recursion in java... i am really really blur right now...

bugging me...

2010-12-01T17:51:00.000-08:00

you know something has been bugging me... you know sometimes when a girl walks by with her boyfriend, then when she sees her boyfriends eyes roving to another pretty girl, she will pull her bf to another direction just to keep his eyes from straying... sometimes i just don't get it, why people get involved in a relationship where they know that the other half will cheat on them in every turn? Why be in a relationship where you run the risk of knowing one day you will suffer a severe heartbreak? Maybe other people may argue that it's love and there is nothing much you can do about it? but what about pride? what about you yourself as an individual?

so in love with ring ding dong by shinee right now...

2010-11-30T04:02:00.000-08:00

check out shinee's ring ding dong... its so addictive... thanks to Gi Hyeon for suggesting this song!!! thumbs up!!!

anyway... the stupid thing is i just found out i had to write 2000words for my final year essay which i am supposed to pass up 2 weeks later. luckily i am kind of finish with the presentation already, i just need to twitch something here and there then it would be perfect already...

arghhhh.... next week will be super tough coz i have to hand in 2 assignments, have two assessments and still have tons of assignments to complete!!! sigh... why is my life so hectic... but at least i am not as depressed as i was when i was in Brunei... The insane thing is, i like everything here... except the fact that i am stuck in the middle of nowhere... haha... that is what the SA officer call my uni...

Nikki signing out...

today...

2010-11-29T01:42:00.000-08:00

finally finished my stupid LAtex assignment... seriously, i don't understand why we need to learn how to do word processing documents using LAtex... its so tedious (they are all in codes) and if you managed to miss one of the codes then the document would either produce a page full of ?????? or a totally blank page... it's such a bore to do so... i wasted precious time because of the freaking messy LAtex document...

anyway, we didnt have any programming classes last week... so i am now thinking... will Mr. Chew torture us by giving us way harder exercises or will he give us 3D Arrays? i vote for 3D arrays though... coz i don't think that i could survive it if he gives us a much more harder 2D array exercise... haizz, i hate you Mr. Chew!!!

Perfume Collection, Baby Kitchens, and Beetlebugs

2010-11-29T01:33:00.000-08:00

i love watching elle fowler talk sometimes... its like looking into the typical pink and blonde world.. i think i mainly like her enthusiasm in the little stuff she admires and you can literally picture her in sophie kinsella's shopaholic... it matches her personality so well.. haha.. anyway, i really trust her product reviews... i just think that her reviews are really sincere and i think she even got banned from signing into her youtube account once because of one of the "i don't like it" videos she made and that takes guts..

anyway... if u want some product reviews, i think she is one of the best vlogger to go to... enjoy!!!

i wonder... and yesterday's event!

2010-11-28T05:28:00.000-08:00

i haven't written anything at all in a long time... but sometimes i wonder if i can get away from the past, discard them in one go and still stay sane for the rest of my life... times like this i think back, get memories that haunts me from where i am, what i'm doing... will i ever get pass the fact that things happened just because fate decides this is for me? Sometimes when i ponder over stuff, i start to think, perhaps too much knowledge about a person's life is not such a good thing at all... its better to stay ignorant and stupid... that way, you will not take a coward's way out of life, you will never associate something pure with evil... you will just live.. i feel like a dried up prune sometimes... unable to love, unable to hate, unable to rationalize things that i should do in the first place... many times, i asked myself... what is stopping you, why are you stucked? but perhaps no one knows the answer better than i do... but the question that really suck is "how?", how to solve it? and can i solve it?

but when i think things back, i think of where i am now... i am actually much happier here than before... for the first time in a year, i finally start to live again, but i haven't really start to feel yet... i think maybe time will heal that part of me... but i know more than ever, that is just wishful thinking, it's just an abstract thought... but for now... i am happier... that must be enough... i told gwen about it and i think i feel happier... just happier...
okay, forget that crap... yesterday morning i finally started to read my CSA and managed to finish a little stuff in the morning... at 11am, gwen texted me and said she finally finished her charity run... so i went to the usual routine when i am going out... packed some essential items into my bag and just made a dash for the bus stop at 11.50... i actually thought i was going to be the late one... funny thing is, gwen turned out to show up later than me... so it was kind of a relief somehow.. anyway, the bus was supposed to show up at 12, and another one should show up at 12.30... turns out the bus at 12 was already 45minutes late... so when we showed up at kajang ktm it was already 1.15pm... and the teller was sitting at the counter lazily handling the customers their ticket and lazily counting the change for the tickets... so we missed the first train... the second train was half an hour late... and when we boarded it, we were squished like canned sardines. the thing i don't like about ktm is that at some stops, they will cut off the aircond and start to recharge the train... then we would be stucked in between a few walks away from our destination and ending up sweating like pigs in the end... not a good idea if you are not wearing any deodorant and when the next person to you is exposing their armpits coz they are holding on to the top safety handler... awkward*-*

anyway, when me and gwen arrived at midvalley, we rushed like nobody's business to gelato... coz we already made a pact that no matter what is the situation, we would first buy ice-cream and then go to the theater later... so we did and with the ice-cream perching crazily in our grasp, we ran again upstairs to find the theater... luckily the boys who were waiting there already bought our lunch from McD...gwen kept the food in her backpack, and i kept the two drinks in mine... i asked gwen then"how are we going to get our ice-cream into the theater?"
" that is a good question..."
i forgot to tell her to lower her ice-cream down, so that it doesn't show that visibly when we pass the ticket checking area...so the guy there said"no foods allowed..."
i was like"what the hell", coz the show was already starting... the rest of them just went in first and only ziwei waited for me and gwen to finish the ice-cream... so sweet... haha
anyway, the first taste of ice-cream was still ok, but when u have consecutive bites of them with only a few seconds apart, that is when the icy feeling gets freaking unbearable and i was walking up and down, to and fro just to dissipate the coldness... that is what i call -- brainfreeze...haha, in a way it was kind of fun...
you will understand why i called it brainfreeze... coz what i did was kind of stupid... the thing is that when i went into the theater, only then did i notice that my bag was wet and i was like "This is so going to be hard to wash off later..." and i smelled the drink... it was my milo... sigh... i ended up smelling like chocolate for the rest of the day... and sorry theater... i spoiled ur carpet with a blotch... hehe, but i don't have any remorse about it...i am so bad...

anyway, we watched harry potter part 1 yesterday... surprisingly it improved...A LOT!!! coz before i even stepped into the theater i expected it to suck like nothing else... but i must say, they really did build the content up to the book's standard already... if not, i'll still be moaning away about how bad it was... haha

That night, we had a car bump into ziwei's bumper and it just drove away without stopping by to see the damage. luckily there were no scratches on the car... if there was then he would have to go to the police station and report the incident already... we later went for an impromptu tong sui late night supper... we chatted and it was actually fun to see the boys and gwen joking around... it really felt like a great friends-only outing. and together it made a perfect ending for the day... the only thing that i can say is, wow...

Nikki signing out........ me and gwen wearing the same kind of shoes--taken yesterday...

my schedule

2009-06-19T05:27:00.000-07:00

went to gurney today. there was really a lot of people. thinking also on what i want to do for the next 6 months. this is my schedule for this week.
last Tuesday: went to queensbay. got caught in MNG sales
last Wednesday: went to queensbay. got caught again in MNG sales
last thursday: went to prangin mall then went to QB again.
today: go to gurney

so u might as well guess how bored i am. i even took a drive to tanjong bungah to just sit for half an hour on the seaside. and u noe what the most pathetic thing is?
i only bought a dark blue hoodie which cost RM49 in 3 damn hours in MNG! i gotta admit, i'm not really great on buying things. got another thing to share with u too! when i went to the sales there was this really classy lady who is probably in her early thirties. she had this dyed light brown curls. when i saw her, she was wearing this white tank top, apple green miniskirt along with a tan 3 inch heels. what she did was skip all the long que and went straight to the long mirror which faces the long stretch of dressing rooms and started to pull the dresses and blouses right up her body. she then went to the salesgirl and asked:

'' did u keep the clothes that i wanted yesterday?''
that was tuesday. she then went up to the counter and paid for 7 or 8 total dresses which costs a total of probably a thousand over bucks.

and guess what? when i went to MNG the next day at 5 she was paying for the same amount of stuffs as she did the day b4. the fact is she came b4 i spent the whole three hours on the first day.

i was thinking, if she keeps this up, she may even own half of what's available in the QB branch.

then there was another lady who is in her early 20s. she had long straight hair and wore a beige satin pants along with this gorgeous no sleeve black satin top. i recognize the top from metrojaya, coz i remember admiring it myself and trying it on only to find that it costs 200 over bucks for one. what she did was bring along an indon maid and told her to stand in the que to go to the dressing room. after that she went for her ''search''. after choosing several clothes, she dumped them into her maid's arm. i couldn't help it and started to smile at the discovery. she caught me at it and smiled a little herself. what i thought at that time was,'' this lady is a pro shopper!'' so for those who have maids at home, be sure to bring them shopping coz u're gonna need them!

i couldn't help noticing people that day, coz i was really really bored and my legs were sore for standing too long on one spot. that's probably why women shopping is one of men's worst nightmare. i also bought a plain white dress on the first day for 40 bucks and 2 F.O.S. t-shirts that wrote ''most likely to be pink'' for $25.

my total clothes expenses is RM139. wow, i never like spend so much in a day b4. when daddy sees the credit card bill he going to explode on me. so i guess i'm just kind of going on a sabbatical for the rest of this month then flying straight back once the bill touches down on brunei. haha, i'm dead meat anyway. i admit too that i spent RM59.90 on a pair of really cute high heels, and RM 18.00 on a lip balm. shit, double damn, hells and back i'm dead meat anyhow...

how to make a road bully eat his own action, if not words?!

2009-06-19T04:12:00.000-07:00

okay, sorry i really never update like in a long long time!

just want to tell u all some of my experience on the road. that day, when i was driving, i noticed i was in the wrong lane. noticing that there were no more cars behind that lane, i switched on my left hand signal and turned just stepping a little bit right into the left lane. then there was this indian guy driving a proton saga. the minute he saw me he deliberately drove until he was right behind where my car just stepped into the lane. the car in front then drove a bit forward so i was able to step further into the left lane. then the rude guy moved in front a bit. i got really angry so i moved my car forward, directly blocking his lane. when there was this green light. he noticed only that he can't move any further, coz if he did he would crash onto my car. so i drove forward then he honked me. i just stuck out my tongue at him and thought "bye sucker!".
another really great way of really pissing off a road bully is to drive slowly when he or she honks you. that's what my mom do.

i noe this type of character is really childish. but then when it comes to driving on the road in penang, things are always like that. i guess ppl might as well make the best of a situation...

relay for life, penang 2009!!!

2009-03-15T08:56:00.001-07:00

okay, i bet a lot of you out there are wondering what relay for life is all about. it is actually a cancer awareness campaign to raise fees for poorer cancer patients and also to further the research on cancer. in fact, this was actually started by an american who went around the park asking for funds in a full 24-hour period in 1985. the thing that you can say about this guy is that 'wow, he is really super!' to be honest i can't stand walking non-stop for 10 hours without wanting to give up, let alone 24 hours. ah, life is so good that some people don't even have to walk for an hour per day. anyway, we only need to stay there for 16 hours and walk for a minimum of an hour.

the event actually took place in penang's one and only youth park in tanjong bungah. if you ever go to penang, go there, it's really fun, i personally think that it is even nicer than the new york parks that you watch in shows minus the bird feeding part, in which you have monkeys replacing them in penang. but if you get caught feeding them, you'll get a hefty sum of fines on your head.

me and yee hooi at one of the swings in youth park!!!

anyway after we set up our tents, we practically rush to the playgrounds like small kids. haha, to feel the wind blowing through my face again was great! i miss my swings, but definitely not my childhood.

another vain pose

ready, set, not yet go lar!

anyway, the whole event haven't started yet when we got there by 4.30pm. wanna see our tent?

our tent!

you know, i never thought that tents are so easy to set up. the tents are actually really really large sacks which have four small plastic (with holes) attached to each end of the square sack. there's actually a long slit x in the middle of the tent, so all you have to do is put the long rods that they have provided through the slits and the make sure that each ends of those rods are firmly stuck into each of the small plastic holes and voila, you have a tent. of course nobody wants their tents to topple over under strong winds, so using the hook-like nail, you nail the plastic end to the ground. my tent is not bad right? but of course, even dummies can set up this kind of tents.

before the start of the event, we saw people selling paper sacks in one of the stalls and i thought, why would people want to buy those ugly paper sacks (no offense of those who drew pics on those sacks! i didn't know at the time!) with really amateurish pictures (which really looked like it from afar!)! i thought maybe people were just gullible to this kind of things so i didn't think much about it until i saw them setting those paper sacks on the field in an oval manner. then they started to light up the candle which are put inside the sack. this is THE EFFECT!

the EFFECT!

it was raining at the time, i remember one or two of the sacks going aflame. one of the sacks kept burning very close to two people who appeared very heated in their conversation. the person i think was aware of the situation but just did nothing until a man stomp the flaming sack to cinders. but the whole scene was so beautiful that i actually felt tears lodged behind my throat. at the time, i thought the whole scene was very meaningful, because admidst all the rain and wind at that time, hundreds of lanterns just stood still and strong without burning up even though all the sacks were made from plain paper. it was as if god wanted to pass this message to us, to none believers, i think i can safely say that mother nature just wanted to convey the message that ' even though we look frail, we are actually much much stronger than we originally thought.

some of the sacks that was being set up in the field were actually good wishes or letters to their loved one who had cancer. one of the sacks that i read was actually for a mother who had died of cancer, it wrote 'you'll be always in our heart... within our soul...'. beautiful is the only word for the aching sense that i got when i read it. fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, childrens, friends... their letters and wishes were all there. but then the only thing that i regretted for the whole event was actually because my phone can't seem to show words that are present on the sacks. but then there are cute pictures too, i'll let the pics do the job of description...

dunno what flower this is but i think it's poppy.

when i saw this picture, the first reaction that i got was 'ahh, la bi xiao xing!!' (crayon shinchan)

simple as i love you

can't remember what's on the sack already but i think it is for a friend.

hope, love and lifei dunno why they put a coconut tree there, probably they want you to be asian's isaac newton and tell you to ''wake up!! BE VERY AWARE of CANCER!!'' but higher chances are you'll faint straight away and wake up stupider!okay this is like one-sixth of the number of people present in the area. so sorry, can't seem to get it to rotate!

the crying period

2009-03-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

our bio A2 is currently covering on biodiversity. so in accordance to the chapter our bio teacher showed us a video that really had almost all the girls in our class cry. ok, so i named this the crying period. u'll understand why later. and if u r an animal lover or will cry at any cruelty or sad events, please skip the next paragraph.

actually when the video started, it actually showed a small raccoon-like animal struggling with all its 4legs while being hanged suspended from a man's hand. then the man actually swung this animal with full force and smashed it on the ground. this was already horrible, and you could actually hear the animal crying out, as if all the sound it made was unintentional and forced out of its lungs. then the cameras actually turned on to an Alsatian dog. like the small raccoon animal, it was also hanged suspended by its tail while struggling furiously to get out of their grasp. perhaps the most heart breaking thing at that time was hearing the dog howl in horror as the hunter wielded his knife and started to cut the fur coat of the dog from it penis. from there onwards, the man just tore the skin off the dog while men who were surrounding the scene were jesting on how amusing the event looked to them. when the tearing reached the head, they yanked the whole skin off forcefully and then threw the still breathing dog to a heap of carcasses beside the man. at the time, the dog was breathing in an agonizing manner, no tears, no sound, just the harsh breathing of a rough pink-fleshed animal with only hints of their former fur around the sockets of their eyes, lying there, almost too wiped out from a staggering amount of pain. there were like around thousands of captive animals there, some were hitting against the cage, trying to escape while the others just sat quietly, trembling, knowing anyway that they were going to die. can you imagine that those beautiful sleigh dogs that were shown as happy, playful, hardworking big alive bundles of white and grays in tv being submitted to such a life? and do you know why they kept those animals alive while butchering them? they kept them so because the fear they produce will induce hormones in their bodies to keep the fur soft. this is just so purely disgusting, yuck!

although i didn't cry throughout the whole video, i felt as if some parts of me had just died, just like that and i felt so numb in some sense that i couldn't feel anymore emotions surrounding me than only being aware that i dammed up something in myself. i could only hear what the teacher said throughout the lecture afterward but all of those words just had no meaning anymore.

i went into that phase a lot of times in my life, but when it became too much, i had a lot of trouble going back to normal again. although i understand what such things does to my life, it was not something that u get use to.

but i just want to say this, if u see someone selling furcoats on the streets (usually when u go to the north) or in any place else, DO NOT BUY!! really, you'll regret ur spur of the moment when you meet these animals, because they are truly beauties of nature and BEAUTIES STAY ALIVE WITH EVERYTHING ATTACHED TO THEM! anyway, fur coats are not suitable for humans, they make you look like big bird from sesame street. if they did, then we would have them sprouting throughout our bodies (which most people will shave off !!)

stressed out!

2009-03-07T20:00:00.001-08:00

hey, everybody in their whole miserable life will hit this point at many parts of their lives!! i practically am pulling out my hair this time. retaking all of the subjects meant that i will sit for 12 damned papers, and i asked myself the whole time, why did i take science when i was young. oh yea, i remember my so-called expectation made me do it. but then i love nothing more than science, i should have known when to quit and when to start sometimes. nvm about my random babbling, nobody will understand me through this haze anyway...

okay, so i really want to strangle cambridge. at the first few months this semester, i thought that maybe cambridge will start their practical at the end of may and start all those written exams by the start of june. how was i to know that THEY actually set the date at the middle of may and end it by the start of june. I AM PRACTICALLY dead meat.... i must study real hard this time and there will be no more fooling around like last year!!! o damn, the finality of everthing is I MUST STUDY not only study but STUDY A DAMNED LOT!!!

o and everyone else take my advice, study hard too and all the best in your exams!

p/s: never mind me, i am freaking insane right now!

valentines!!!

2009-02-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

oh yea just changed my background to suit the valentines mood. anyway, happy valentine's day everybody!!! if anyone got dates then treat your partner well okay, or else for boys: you'll get kicked on the shin by the end of the day, for girls: he'd be damned broke that he couldn't buy you presents for 14th of march, april, may, june , july and so on... haha, just kidding, enjoy your day!!!

my day out yesterday

2009-02-13T05:04:00.000-08:00

okay, i noe its kind of my fault that i haven't posted a blog since god knows when. so sorry about that... wow, i don't really know how buzy i really am these days, just got my internet 3 days ago. honestly if you happen to want to sign up for streamyx (broadband) in malaysia then you need to prepare to lay down some money for your car fuel as well. since i am not staying in my previous address anymore, i had to shift my address from one end of penang to the other. to do that i had to open up my eyes for available parking lot in a traffic jam-proned city. and as everybody knows, the police in malaysia are so damned efficient when it comes to taking down the car plate number and of course in collecting fines. which policemen wouldn't be then if it comes to adding incentives to their staid and stoic income? to be honest, i would do that too. as for streamyx, well, i asked for a change of address 2 months ago, had to go to the office by myself for like 5 to 6 times per month. 3 times were for the installation of my new telephone line, and the rest for the activation of my internet and i thought it was only Brunei who were severely inefficient when it comes to work... no offence, i am just talking about the people who wronged me when i was there, (which is quite a scant number)...

oh yea enough of my internet connection, yesterday i just went out with friends to watch benjamin button. it was actually a last minute decision. well if you want me to comment about the movie, then i'll only say this: it is not what you would normally rate a fantastic show, nor is it a bad one, but then the show is definitely interesting. it will really keep you on your feet until the very last second of the show. my friend even shed tears when brad pitt became a kid. you all should watch it then you'll know what i am talking about. see that picture above? the lil man is actually brad pitt, the effect of the makeup is unbelievable. have you all seen the trailer? if you did, then you'll get quite a good summary of the show, but then suprisingly you'll still get a lot of new things popping out. so i'll say this, two-thumbs up to the author!!!

have you all heard about the Kim Gary restaurant before? see the black and white 'wall' where a lot of people are sitting behind that. that is the restaurant. well it is actually opened by a hongkee (i think), with the hong kong actor Kim Gary as their representative. one of the menu pages from the restaurant
well we actually went there to eat yesterday, so if you live in malaysia and also have an mJ card, then you'll get a 5% off your total bills. well guess what the 5% was all about... i'll tell you anyway, when you go to any restaurant in malaysia, they will have all those promotions set so strikingly on the table and beside the restaurant entrance itself. then when you finish your food, your bill will always come this way:

the long list of food you ordered
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then comes your 5% offer (wow you will feel really happy here!!!)
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then comes the goverment taxes, which is the same price as the 5% offer
(now you thought okay, no prob, anyway nothing in this world is free, but the bill still goes on...)
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service charge (you think okay, nvm anyway they work hard too)
but then guess what when you look at the price... wah!!! the price is the twice the amount of the discount prices and the goverment taxes. haha, it was really funny that no one around me showed any expressions when they looked at the prices. our total bill was 108 so the service charge was around 11 to 12 dollars. you really have to take down your hat and bow to the financial manager of the restaurant.
anyway apart from the bill itself, the food was actually quite well done. i like to think that they speciallize more on the line where western meets eastern delicacies, but if you are conscious of your body size then be prepared for a full week of diet meals after you take a meal there.

o about the next pic, it is actually taken from our shopping spree in the same malls several weeks ago. had really a lot of fun dressing up in the same t-shirt. my friend, maybelle said that we look like a group of waitress with a manager in the middle.friends going from top,clockwise: xinrou, fennie, canness, alexis,me, maybelle, li xuen, hooi ying.

actually the t-shirts in malaysia are nice right? i didn't look quite as nice in that tee though, haizz, it always goes down to me not filling out any clothes... nvm, anyway, who says i don't look nice in this pic!

burgatti veyron

2008-12-16T04:27:00.000-08:00

has anyone heard of a burgatti veyron? its actually the car above. posh right. check it out... this car is sold for US$ 1,175,000, has 1001 horsepower and a seven speed dual clutch. seeing this you can imagine how fast this car can really really go, since the normal car only has a FIVE speed SINGLE clutch. according to the online news, it is actually the most powerful and fastest luxury car in the world. it is a beauty but unfortunately only 300 of these are only sold throughout the world since it is actually a limited edition car. if someone really goes out with this car, he or she will be the first person to be robbed, so its kind of a showroom car. but really, for that price, who won't?

T.I. ft. Rihanna -

2008-12-10T06:24:00.001-08:00

this is the official video of 'live your life'. i like this music. its quite catchy. this really describes a bit of a person's life. like the video said, life is really a surprise. the ironic thing about this video is that it reminds ppl to treasure what they have in life and TI (the male singer in the video) just got caught for distributing armed weapons. he's going to jail next year, so i guess there will be no more new song for him next year. but the truth about this video may be that, when he gets himself into illegal things, he got himself out by going to jail. pity though, he's quite talented in the hip hop world...

2008-12-06T10:04:00.000-08:00

in KL's LCCT airport right now, nothing to do, but got high speed internet so.. i do what all sane ppl will do if they happen to carry a laptop with wifi gadgets in the airport... i am finally online... u noe, what i said was really really wu liao, but nvm, u r reading it so no prob!

me and my personal gold card.
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haha, did u bliv that, anyway i admit, it wasn't my card but my aunt's. with any gold or platinum card (i think) you can sit in the airport lounge for free, although the time limit is different. you can sit in the lounge for the whole day if you have a platinum card. for my (ahem, i repeat my aunt's) gold card i can only sit in the lounge for free for two whole hours ONLY! what kind of policy is that anyway?! me, i am left stuck in mcD's if i am not in the lounge and you should have seen how damn packed the airport itself is since, ppl come from all kinds of places in ALL KINDS OF INSANE HOURS. but then the only good thing is that i can plug in my lappy without worrying about how long i can use it. since my aunt's card is a gold one, i can only stay until 3 in the morning. i can't sleep anyway, never did when i am travelling. should have brought my uncle's platinum... nvm, lesson heed lesson learnt...
this is part of the airport lounge, the 2 main things that i love about the airport lounge is that it has partitions so, i kinda have some privacy with what i am doing. look at the pic above and you can see that the camera is facing the entrance, so the officials are not quite snooping to my privacy as well. the second thing that i like about the lounge is that it is not packed. but after 3 i am getting my butt outta here. oh, by the way, for every 3 hours in the lounge u have to pay 80 ringgit malaysia. a bit expensive since there is nothing that you can really do except eat the meal, snug your butt on those cushions and play with the internet. but they don't bother you and give you privacy for your whole hour anyway.
this is my first pic in the lounge, see the plant there, i guess that's fake. if you want to plug in your computer then this is right place since the cushion is right next to the walls where the plug points are.
me sitting at the cushion, listening to some music.
don't care about this pic anyway. anyone who knows me well knows i am damn vain. haha, if mom could see my blog, i guess she will go into an apoplexy, so many colorful curses. when hath one blog been so bonnie in different hues... i am really going shakespear. talking about shakespear, i don't really like classics, but i guess, me and shakespear really share one common ground - we both like dramas. anyway, who doesn't? only i like the modern kind and he likes the extinct kind (dino here i come..)

oh right back to the airport, my flight at 8:50 yesterday night delayed for half an hour and since i already sat at the airport from 4 o' clock in the afternoon, i am already tired of waiting for my flight to come. so when they announced the delay i was so flabbergasted that i really wanted to hang my mouth open in agony. the flight was further delayed for 10 to 15 minutes and i was annoyed, really annoyed. i arrived at LCCT at midnight, and waited another 1 hour for all the baggage to go through. i had no choice, so i sat on the trolley (which i almost topple over)... then walked straight into the lounge. i swear tommorrow when the doctor happens to check up on me the first thing he will notice is that i'll be having blisters on my seriousl deflated butt. after 3, i am really not going to sit for at least 30 minutes. anyway have to go pack, my time is almost up...

tagged

2008-11-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

haha, got tagged by vicky. way to go, vic!
man... i look bored. never mind anyway, for those who finish their test, happy holidays. got one more exam at the 21st then I AM HOME FREE!!!!!!
1. What do you want most for the time being?

i got a craving for an ipod right now, but then i know i won't buy it. more than that i hope that i can get A for most of my A levels coz i really want to cry... sob sob

2. What is your most favourite thing to do?

dunno never thought of it

3. What is your one regret in life?

not being able to lift a hand in some problems when i noe for sure that they are going to happen

4. Who inspires you?

dunno, myself (haha, i am so damn vain...)

5. Tell me something I don't know about your family background.

a lot, don't wanna tell just in case granny grabs an axe and chase me around her backyard

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?

creating a scene without money...
1. plant your own food...
DIY fertilizers - chicken poop
for digging - your own blackened nails... screams
mom ask: 'what happened shing?'
i raised my stricken eyes to her and well sob..
'ma, i just broken my nails...'

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?

my family and my frens

8. What can cheer you up from sadness?

ranting and raving about my answers if it is about a test
music - if i am truly sad about anything i can't do
if i can do something - well i think about strategies
about someone.. i draw a pic about somebody, add whiskers, big noses, big ears and reward them with a big ancient spectacles (but then this is called anger...)

9. If you can get out of your current life circumstance, would you?

nope, my life is mine and my only property, why should i throw away something which is exclusively mine?

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.

Vicky - cute, has that little girl's voice sometimes but then she tries to deepen it at other times and of course cheerful
lunar - loves anime, chess and a lot of other stuffs. very good at maths, has a booming laugh and although he looks like the quiet type, but when he is really TALKING, you can hear his animated voice half a mile away... (no offense but then ppl like you just the way you are! two thumbs up!)

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

my requirements:
a. know how to really cook
b. has a job in which he can relate his everyday events without shame to me.
c. who believes and will keep his fidelity
d. who really respects me
e. i really cant think of anything else but then the rest of my list is secret. i want my other half to be a surprise as well. and of course i want it to be a good surprise!

12. If you were given a choice, would you want to know what love is all about?

love i got tonnes of them, from my parents... haha, love is in the air... sounds like paris

13. What is your ambition?

to be what i want to be (haha, not an answer)

14. Describe your life in one word.

dunno

15. If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick ?

i want to be rich coz rich has all kind of meaning, rich with happiness, rich with money, rich with fashion, rich with knowledge... rich and rich and rich

16. If you have a chance, where would you like to further your study with scholarships?

new york city!

17. Who is the person (peoples) that you can share all your problems with?

No one... but really you can't share everything with someone or else when you have a minor problem with that someone, will you share it with them or will you risk hurting them? but then by then you will have a bigger problem

18. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?

not telling, bad luck...

19. You accidentally deleted this question. What do you do?

umm, just ignore it?

20. Why do I have time for this thing?

coz i am bored out of my head right now, so monkey see, monkey will definitely do!

ohhh yea, almost forgot to break the good news, i'll be back by the 26th. home sweet home, there is really no place like Brunei! but then Penang is different as well.
love you guys and of course girls!!!

driving test

2008-11-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

remember i told you all about my driving test well i failed. do you noe which part i failed? i can tell you that i failed the most stupid thing in history... promise me you'll think b4 you scroll down... but then if you don't who is there to stop you. haha, just humor me for a bit...
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tada, my results were:
parking - pass
over the hill : pass
the dead end turn: pass
the remaining one would be...... the road test.
i failed that one. actually i the most pitiful thing is i didn't even last for 5 minutes on that test. i failed solely because i made a wrong turn, before i was even on the main road. there was this small rough and rocky lane before we hit the main road. at that road, there was no sign saying that it was actually a one way street. the small lane alone was so wide that it can actually fit 3 cars side by side and i thought since there was no other cars i could just drive straight ahead so there i go. then the police kept shouting for me to stop, along with sneezes in between. when i stopped the car and looked at him, you should have seen his nose, he looked like santa's reindeer. anyway, i didn't really look at him that much. he told me to scoot over to the passenger seat and then he drove back to the institute. by then what i thought was, damn damn damn, would i fail, or would he give me another chance? by then the man who was in charge there asked me what happened and i told him that the police in charge was giving me another chance. then he said that i was lucky. by then i really got my answer already, that i would fail for that day. when the other candidate finished his test, the police just handed me my result slip. he just slipped on his glinting glasses and strode as quickly as possible into the office. he wrote there. kawalan gear tidak stabil, brek tidak cukup and a whole lot of things just to push me to fail. i got the first five ticks and the last fifteen cancelled out and that was my first test that day. i took up that piece of paper and marched up to the police guy. i said that i just drove through that whole area for only once only (which was true enough)and argued with him for a good half hour about my eligibility to have another chance for the road test. at first he kept denying me and then he told me to go through the rest of the test and if i passed the rest i need to actually sit for the road test the next time i come. i then compromized and just strode to the desk and when i showed my result slip to the woman in charged there she had this smirk on her face and said:
"you failed the road test ka."
then she passed the slip to the other lady. when she was about to open her mouth i said that the police said that i can sit for the rest of the exams before going to JPJ and request for sitting for the road test only. she said impatiently: 'yes i noe but just take this slip and go there'. haha wrong time for protesting. when i walked towards the area, i thought, what is the easiest method to secure that i will only have to sit for the road test? i was really feeling down at that time, really really down. then a thought struck me. cry. i was thinking, 'eat your heart out asshole' silently to the police who failed me. i took my phone, dialed mom and started crying there. anyway i already wanted to cry not because i failed my test but because i lost my pride begging that stupid man to give me another chance at the test. i started to wail a lot, deliberately sitting in the wrong place and in the middle of the whole institute. the man who asked me what happened in the whole course then took pity on me and discussed with the other police who were in charge of the other three parts of the test. they agreed, everyone agreed and then bingo. haha, i was thinking, 'asshole really eat your heart out this time'. those three things were the things that i really made sure i do with merits. the first test was up the hill. i stepped on the clutch, pushed to the first gear then stepped hard on the accelerator and pushed to the second gear. 'eat your words dumbass', stepped on the clutch then the break. perfect! free gear and hand break. then i waved to the police and they signalled for me to go. clutch, accelerator, free half of the clutch until the whole car vibrated then the accelerator again. release hand break and go. i didn't even slip back, haha. i was already grinning from ear to ear. haha, no one defeats chia shing. even the police in charge of the area were grinning at me when i handed them my slip. the rest were baby stuff, the parking, the dead end turn. stupid guy for failing me. i knew he wouldn't be there to hear my results and probably never will, but then the rest of the people would know what an asshole he is. that alone brightened up the rest of my day. next time when i see him i will hum, 'blinky the reindeer with a nose as red as cherry and a big bum that will crush the seat as he sneeze and sneeze and sneeze.' (refer to frosty the snowman song)
haha, stupid reindeer, i bet santa will refuse to leave presents under the christmas tree at the 25th. i grew out of childhood anyway.
anyway he probably wanted me to bribe him, serves him right that my portion of money will never reach him before it goes to the other staffs pocket. but then i learnt one lesson that day and that was how to handle things on my own when i am arguing with someone else. that alone was good enough for me although the crying part will grow old eventually. too bad, i am still mommy's little girl...

hello again!

2008-10-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

how was the maths exam everyone? i think it was different from all the past years. if fennie didn't ask me about the maximum and minimum point without having to use differentiation i would have left the 6th or 7th question (if i am not mistaken) blank. to be honest i didn't forget how to do the differentiation but without practice i would have 90% chances of getting that question wrong. overall it was not that bad. i've already predicted that we will meet about last years condition. i thought it all over yesterday night, how i will go wrong and how my marks will go backwards and not forward. to be honest it was rather sadistic, i sorted of just buried myself will all those suffocating six foot amount of problems. i finished the questions at about an hour. the moment i finished it i almost threw the pen down on the floor. frustration was just building up. i don't know why it happens and it was not as if i didnt know how to do the questions at all but i was frustrated because my prediction was right, cambridge changed their style of questions again. and again it happened in our year. i was not really sure if my answer was correct or not. but no matter what it is i hope sincerely that it will not happen in our physics question. i don't have enough preparation to do any changes they put out in physics. not to mention that i actually failed my first ever physics test when i was form 4. i don't want it to ever happen in my life again. i just hope that there will be no changes in physics paper.

yesterday i even tried 2001 and 2002 bio papers. i found out that i actually forgotten a lot of things that i studied before, my prediction for my exams this year will be doom, doom and more doom. arghhh...... what is it that is actually affecting me? i can't pinpoint myself to anything right now, if i find the source i will terminate it immediately. i keep saying to myself, chia shing, chia shing, this is your last shot whether you like it or not, do your best just do your best. then when i am really really down, you know what i do? i actually took out all the presents you all gave me before i went back to penang. and i looked at it, and it somehow gave me comfort. most of them are jewelleries but the best things of all that i received were memories in which all those small gifts were given. i remember when i got my desk, the first thing i did was arrange those gifts in the top drawer. when mom saw it, she asked..
''wasn't this drawer supposed to be filled with stationeries and not jewelleries?''
i just told her that i did not have any place else to put them so i put them there. at that time, i didn't fully understand my actions but somehow, i only came to find out that they were actually put there to secure my memories with all of you, somehow i unconciously put them there because i wanted to be reminded that all of you were supporting me from a distance. a support that is so close yet so far. i thank you all of you for giving me that and i hope that in this post i can remind you all that you have all the best of luck from me.

oh yea, just wanna tell you all that i will be having my driving test on the next friday! hope i pass, really really hope i pass!

anyway got good news, i will be going back by december. not sure when but when i book my flights, i'll inform you all straight away. and lastly and the most important thing of all, do not slack (haha, i noe a bit harsh), study hard and smart, push yourself over your limits and get the best grade that you can have! good luck everyone!

ps: thanks supa, i will try my best but i know that you'll be studying a lot more harder than me, just noe that i'll be supporting you all the way until you earn you medical degree! luv you.

ps: for yuki. thanks for wishing me good luck on the phone. you too, earn your A1s so you don't give me any reason to crush you wen you say you got A2 nia... haha just kidding, good luck get thise A1 for all of us! (hehe, no pressure given...just do your best)

2008-09-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

its about time i uploaded all this into my blog. saw this over a month ago in gurney plaza. i think this is the only shop in that mall that is dedicated to romantic teenage girls. all pink. since my friend loves pink so much, i had to tag along. i almost threw up at the sight of the overwhelming hot pinks. my my, i can't take so much at one go. but then saw a few things that all girls might be interested about.

yuki, i think this is supposed to be your signature doll. so cute... but then i think you need to add the word glide over (chinese) as well.although this one is quite simple but can you see the way it looks at you? hehe, so adorable...

milk, who wants milk? raise your hands people!

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conclusion about all this?

i am a sucker for stuffed pets......

2008-09-18T21:20:00.001-07:00

compare the following with the meaning of what andrew posted in his blog...
http://andrewkoay.blogspot.com/
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haizz seems like i have a lot in common with morons... irony...

compare...

2008-09-18T21:20:00.000-07:00

What Limchiashing Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Nikita Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.

You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.

People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Marissa Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

What Onmyown Means

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.

You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.

You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2008-09-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

the hospitality course in our school is having their course test these few weeks. they had been serving the customers for every monday and tuesday. to be one of the customers, we will have to reserve our seats for at least one week before. the whole meal costs 10 dollars. they have the appetisers, the main course and the dessert. i bet when you hear the word 10 bucks, you will think that it is expensive. but then all of that is served in hotel style. if you go to hotel for even the buffets itself in penang costs about 200 dollars per person. so it rather worth it. they have different servings every week. the first time i had the servings they actually served me filipino food. i rather like the appetizer and the dessert. i forgot what the appetizer was called, but the potato in it was cooked with the sweet potato into crisp brown perfection. rather different from the usual western meals. when you actually bite into the appetizer, you can actually taste and smell the freshly baked potatos. i love the appetizer. the dessert was actually a very common asian type of dish. they cooked the gullotine rice and then added a scoop of ice-cream on top of it. along with the contrasting hot and cold ingredients, they put just a sprinkle of cinnamon powder on top of it, adding to the uniqueness of the whole effect. very nice.

my second time was actually italian. to be honest i always hated italian food. the food was always too sour, too cold and so not my taste. but then when they served me the meal that day, it was actually much much better than what the high class restaurants always served. to think that a freshman could actually beat a proffesional was actually a laughable thing to know. we had onion soup for the appetizer, it was a bit too oily but then the taste and texture was superb, i don't really know what they put but then i guess i was always a little biased when it comes to onion since i always loved the smell of it. all i could think at that time was 'good thing they didn't serve an english style onion soup'. if you look up to the original recipe of the english onion soup, it was always dark brown in color and the texture was so thick that the ingredient just kind of like stuck out of the soup. yuck...but then they take it with bread. i really love the caramel pudding with berries on topthe caramel pudding

dessert that day. they had this caramel pudding with raspberrie and blueberry on top. around the pudding you can actually see the home-made type of raspberrie and lemon jam. very natural and very delicious. they even added a little lemon zest on top of the pudding so it was great. every one should try it!

in response to supa's chatline

2008-08-26T03:39:00.000-07:00

yea, i thought it was kind of cool as well when i saw the whole blog feature. maybe because i put the blog to classic template, so my chatline was loading a bit slow. your bio test so fast got test ahh.. my trial is next month, a bit scared because my lecturers here have almost finished all of our syllabus already. my chem lecturer even finished the whole organic chem part so we are going to sit for a whole lot of chapters meshed up into one paper. my physics teacher taught us until the light part already. it was interesting but rather hard since there was a lot of things to imply. my main problem now is that i don't know how i am going to memorize a ton of physic formulae in my head. they really pile up to form one high stack of desperation that will definitely make you faint. i am a bit worried about bio too. since the rest of the students sit for the spm last year, they more or less already covered about 70% to 80% of the syllabus we have now, so the lecturer is just going to brief us about a few important topics and teach only those that they haven't covered last year in detail only. the only thing that i can say about myself is I AM DOOMED. i am only consoled by the fact that they haven't covered as much as us in physics, chemistry and a hell lot in maths, so the teacher will teach in detail for the rest of the subjects. i dropped the pure maths class at the start of the course. no point in sitting for the class when you have a full timetable ahead. anyway i wish that i can aim for all A but then i have to work hard on that.

2008-08-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

this is my bro with his new haircut. handsome? he's so cute in that pic. it's like he has just updated himself this time. he wants to have my the other bro's haircut the other day and when he requested that haircut, my my my, you should see the way he talked. he was like half shy, half whispering that it just made me want to hug him and tell him that its all right. but by right, i should not since he will be leaving me by december, so it's not good to do that.
my new haircut. when mom saw my haircut, the first thing that she said was,
'so short ah, won't the end be curled outwards'
the thing is i don't really care. haizz, my hair gone again, miss it. fennie said that i 'xiang bu kai' in chinese. haha, maybe.
i always have this kind of impending doom when i sit at the hairdresser's. i always think that, 'what am i doing here.' when she holds up the scissors, my head tells me, 'tell her to stop', when she is going to snap my front side hair, my head screams 'stop!', then when she finishes with my haircut, i always thought 'who cares?'. a lot of people cared about it. to girls, maybe all the girls around me here, cutting your hair is equivalent to committing a sin. see the girl at the background, that's my 22 year old cousin. used to be very close to her as a kid, don't really know what happened to us when we grew up, we just sort of like stop the connection. to be honest, i probably can speak more freely to her brother than her. i always thought that if i had a bigger sister, maybe just maybe, our relationship would be like this. who knows?

oh yea that day when i snapped the pictures at my aunt's house my cousin, andrew was curious and came to see what was happening, since i had two kids hovering around the laptop, getting excited with everything. the little girl that you saw above, suang drop the earphone and bent down a bit to pick it up. it was then that i snapped the photo. then andrew suddenly just ran. i was a bit surprised. then it dawned on me. i had his picture. he was dripping wet and half naked with only a towel draped across his bony hips, haha, he looked like a drenched rabbit... i teased him by telling him that i would post the pic on the net. he shouted out in protest, but then he knew i would never do that..
suang saying something at the background.
my bro posting himself. this stance looks so much like the position kean used when he's taking a picture. when i see this stance from both of my brothers i always thought that they are distancing themselves and trying to look cool. it kind of gets on with my family though. i wonder how boon will look when he grows up. maybe like kean, he will leave a long thread of swooning females. probably more since he's more accessible than kean. haha..
suang amusing herself in front of the camera. this one also will be a heartbreaker or should i say heart -twister. you should have seen her when she was with me. she clings to you every single moment and demands every single attention that you can give her. that day when she was in front of the computer, she kept smashing the mouse area, when you tell warn her that it was wrong she looks at you with her big round innocent eyes, then pucker her lips up and say, 'it's paining?'. haha, she really is quick to save herself from a bigger impact and guess what, she's only five. she's positively annoying at times but then she's just as quick to squeeze your heart into a dry pulp. she stayed with us for 3 days that time and she was missing her parents like hell. when she called her parents. she was half sobbing and half trying to put up an understanding tone. she said, ' Daddy, are you alright? can you sleep at night?' she sniffed, then she said 'did you eat well?' sniffing again, then her voice brightened up when her father asked what she was doing there. haha, she's so quick to change from one expression to another. it's a wonder how her mother survives all that.

non a bit wu liao...

2008-08-03T09:06:00.001-07:00

haha, wanna see how all of you react to my setting the background pink. not quite me, i know but then just curious...

2008-08-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

i think i like this advertisement best. not too brooding but still retain the sensuous appeal. not too pink either, but rather towards those autumn blooms that really catch your attention. wanted to put it as my back ground but then the pic is not large enough... sigh...
this was the first ad i saw and i thought 'wow' it really really did catch my attention. the sensuousness, the dream appeal. it just 'strike'. if someone really wants an eye-catcher for any fashion business at all - this should be it!
when i see this ad, i just think that it is odd. everything is positioned in an odd way. even the rest of the pictures juicy couture display are odd. somehow the oddness of it just catches attention. the thing that i like about this ad is that it always give me a comfortable feeling. it kind of take you back to regency but then it is still modern, kind of frenchie. notice that the inside of the jacket is made up of satin. think of the softness brushing against your bare skin... damn i want to really close my eyes in ectasy...
this pic looks like a ghost pic. but then, nina ricci almost always (so far) publish this kind of pic. you can't really find the reason why they put it. you have to dig and dig and dig. hate digging, especially if it is my assignment (which it is not now since i am taking GP). i kind of find GP very different from what i used to do in my life. i loved writing stories from the start so i put 5 stories in a GP essay. no originality, no fun, that's what i hate about it. arggg... who cares, i am sitting for the A levels, nothing else, so who cares as long as i get great marks?

o yea, if you want to find paranormal romance books i have a suggestion. go and look for kresley cole's book. i enjoyed them very much. found a spanish girl website, can't remember what it was but she is also a fan of hers. she wrote a lot of criticism on the heroine in the book, very funny. i had to hold my breath in order to stop laughing. really her books are two thumbs up. what i can say about the author is that she really has beauty and brains. you'll see why when you search for the author alone in fantasticfiction.com. you can find her books in 4shared.com. enjoy!

braces...braces...

2008-08-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

see that
see that, my bro and me (and my braces). you can't really see clearly but actually my braces are blue. i remember when mom first saw my braces, she was so shocked that she said,
"aiyo, so ugly ah!" haha, of course i look ugly now. when i take down my braces i'll look beaut... haha seems like i am carrying on the fairytale of the ugly duckling turning into a beautiful swan... corny enough for me to actually make myself blush!
now i look like a dork. the perfect dork with wide frame spectacles and a set of braces...

went for the night market that day. mom's friend is actually selling organic vegetables in the market. very cheap, only RM 1 for each packet of vegetable. helped her to sell for awhile. but then you all know my selling skills, employing me will always be a disaster. want to know why? i always managed to shoo away people rather than sell anythingat all!! i guess i'll never manage to actually convince anyone of anything.

2008-07-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

oh yea cheow wei, happy a little belated b'day!!!!!!! hope you have the best in life for the years to come...

2008-07-30T19:20:00.000-07:00

now in school so couldn't post my braces pic, forgot to bring it. that day, nivea came to our school and we were given free gifts and one free printed pic. if we want another picture then we would have to pay RM2 for it, so i saved this photos in my pendrive instead.

the nivea fair was held in the school's hall. we got a bottle of lotion and a deodorant. i love the lemon grass smell, not too overpowering and not too subtle, just nice. two weeks later clinique also held a promotion in our school. had to skip the malaysian studies class just to listen to them talk fill the form then get the $200 gifts. there was a lot of people attending the session alone. couldn't my hands up fast enough to answer the questions, because if someone answer correctly you get to win the eyeshadow worth $55. haizz.. nvm that is what greed brought me to...

the next day when we had our malaysian studies class the teacher just called out my name. i was in shock and could feel my heart beating. damn and be damned why am i even the first to be called out? loads of girls went to the promotion and i was the first to be called out?

" why weren't you in class yesterday?" silence, i could just feel it eating on me.then i told him i was in class. then he asked,

" then you disappear for the last ten to fifteen minutes is it?" i really wanted to laugh out the predicament i was in. he kept talking, my mouth kept twitching, the irony of it was we were allowed to skip other subjects (which i never skip)but must have at least 70% attendance in malaysian studies class. the system can only be described as stupid...

then he called out stephanie's name (the girl who is sitting beside me), she raised up her hand and he said in disbelieve,

"you also kah? you also disppear for the last fifteen minutes of class?"

i was already giggling. she hesitated for a moment then said,

"i fell asleep in class so i didn't know you called my name"

which is worse...

"fennie" his voice boomed out.

my friend sitting on my right raised her hand. i saw him just raise his brows in wonder.

"you also?"he asked. by that time i think he was really enjoying our guilt. bad bad teacher... haha..

"i went to the toilet sir.." fennie just said.

haha.. i couldn't believe we actually got famous with this escapade. stupid kind of fame but still stupid...

anyway got to be the judge for the coming debate next week. no need to talk in the least but fennie and i are going to bully ah long to be the chief judge so he would make a closing statement.. so bad..

oh yea forgot to tell you all i passed my undang-undang. went for the driving practice last sunday. had to take the two hour journey by bus to butterworth since there was a major traffic jam on the penang bridge. i thought it was hard but it was kind of okay until i got to the hill part. my mind kept playing back and back again..

"free the clutch but keep your legs poised there, step on the accelerator and immediately break when you reach the 'tiang'..." at first i panicked and the car slipped backwards. second time i pulled on the handbreak i freed the clutch so the car "die fire (in chinese)". third time, i went over the yellow line. fourth time, i went too fast over the hill so off i go circling one round to get back to the hill part again.. don't know how many times i tried that even the instructor got frustrated and ended the session 15 minutes early. he kept calling me "amoi amoi, apa yang kamu buat ni?" i think he actually got scared sitting in my car.. haha.. not so bad la, just jesting...

when i get home i'll write more, maybe finally be able to post my braces pic, don't show it to everyone (which i am doing by the way).

2008-07-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

i wanted to keep two different parts of my posting today and will do it about two times per week. and yes, i finally get to wear normal clothes to school. about the chemistry class, the lecturer said that by the end of the year only half the class will be present. they didn't actually drop the subject but we are allowed to choose if we wanted to attend the classes or not. the bad thing is we have to take an extra subject for one semester and that is moral. i don't really know why they call it a moral class but it is actually the malaysian history. the worst thing is the subject is in malay...... all the malaysian citizens have to take up the subject. we even need to pass moral to get our certificates.
every subject is divided into three parts which is the tutorial (homework time!), the lecture (boring speeches where the lecturer just come in and talk) and the lab work. if you don't do your homework nobody will care anyway, because the teacher just give but never receive homeworks. i like going to the lab though. our microscope alone costs about 3600 malaysian dollars. we have a new type of the pipette pump where you just need to push the scroller up with your thumb and press the soft button at the side to release the solution. and the labs are clean, clean and clean. mainly because the teachers keep complaining about the slightest stain in the lab! our chemistry lab even has a shower stand to clean of any acid when it is severely splashed on the clothes.
the thing that i don't really like about the school is the long school hours. true to what yoke khee said, my classes starts at 8 in the morning and ends at 3 to 6 o'clock in the afternoon. maybe it is the newness of everything or maybe it is just my emo part, i actually missed md, i miss walking to the canteen with yoke khee, chai eng, supa, nisa, cheow wei, ying hee...... and a whole lot of people. i missed sitting together in the canteen with all of you and talk about boys and stuff. the most funny thing is i even miss wearing the tudung with you all and see the tudung droop down on our foreheads or seeing our hair jutting and poking out at the sides. haha now that i think of it, i even miss the hunger pangs that chuan ho puts us through while waiting for his belated meals... sorry chuan ho no offense!
everything's fine here, i even went shopping in the 70% sales yesterday in metrojaya. haha, grace will really scold me for not heeding to her advice but i only bought 3 clothes. i bought a black hush puppies shirt with a little puff at the sleeves and small flowers at the hem and 1 white sleeveless top from pop soda and 1 yellow t-shirt also from pop soda. and you know what i only spent about 20 brunei dollars for them. quite worth it because (bashfully) i have too much sleeveless shirts and only a handful of t-shirts. oh yea, and we can actually wear sandals and very very short skirts to school. but then being the good little girl i am, i wear long pants, t-shirts and spectacles to school. (this is when we say bu yao lian). haha...

2008-07-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

hi, i didnt really write anything these few days. so sorry about that. well, i'm going to start with the most interesting news first. late last night my maid was sleeping in her room when she suddenly heard the tiled floors making a grumbling sound. she was always terrified of tsunamis so she quickly ran out of the room. when she was safely outside her room, the floor just suddenly exploded, creating a big crack on the floor. my aunt was sleeping in the living room and just heard the sound of glass crashing to the floor. she initially wanted to go on sleeping but then my maid came to her and repeatedly soothe her chest with her hand and said
'saya takut loh...'
my aunt asked her what she was afraid of, thinking she just broke a really expensive piece of glass or so, but then the theory wasnt plausible since we kept no priceless ornaments in our house. she then followed her to her room and then saw this big hole on the ground. when my maid pulled out her mattress, the tiles on the crackline were forming a line ridge on the floor with pieces of shattered tiles beside it. it really shocked the daylights out of mom, my aunt and my maid as well. feeling scared mom called dad at the dead of the night and you know what dad said?
he said that when they were preparing the area for construction, they actually have to pile the ground first in between the two important beams of the building. without even waiting for the soil to settle, they sped up the construction of the building. so when the time comes for the soil to actually settle, the two important beams sink to towards each other, raising the soil in between. so the 'explosion' was actually one part of the evidence of poor planning. he said before this happened, the pipes will burst a little causing the pipe problems, with the water seeping into the floorboards. for the first time i was actually really really glad that dad is a great civil engineer, if not i would actually let my global warming, tsunami and end of the world thoughts run away with me. and to think that i was actually sleeping like a baby at the time it happened really frightens me.
granny told my maid that if she didnt wake up on time, the floor might actually 'gobble' her up. trust granny to make people more scared than they were at first. mom, aunt and maid just laughed after dad told us that the settling of the ground rarely happens again.

DNA Replication Process

2008-06-16T06:41:00.001-07:00

a bit of video describing how the DNA is replicated. to be honest i hate the background music but i finally found out what are the okazaki fragments!

DNA Structure

2008-06-16T03:31:00.001-07:00

this is the basic video introducing DNA. not that much but only help in introduction

2008-06-10T06:04:00.000-07:00

these days i'm a bit dazed. it seems as if my life here is no longer real. i went through a lot of stuffs in my head. my head keeps telling me, "marissa you need to go, pack up your stuff, do your things and just go". then it goes, "tell supa about it, tell eng about it, tell cheow wei about it, tell nisa about it". then when i walk beside somebody, my head keep telling me that i should tell them that i'm going. i'm confused right now. the way that i'm telling this seems like i'm suffering from schizophrenia. i can tell you fully that i'm not, the guilt is just killing me inside. when i sit inside the car on the way back home i looked closely at the leaves, the trees, then i try to finish my homework on time. but then i saved a whole lot of ebooks from the net, so to bury my aching soul in oblivion, i read fictional characters, escaping from my life for a short moment. then i worry about how i am going to break the news again. the whole thing just repeats again and again.
mom messaged me today. she told me to fax a copy of my recent result sheets. i went into a whole lot of problems for at least half an hour before i can fax anything through. i was really wasting a lot of time. i haven't finished my homework because i read the whole novel(wicked deeds on winter nights by kreshley cole) at one go yesterday. it was better than her recent two series and i loved it. i still got a pile of homework to finish but i really couldn't help myself and i still got twenty over books in my hard drive just begging for me to finish everything. what i need to do now is focus on my studies which i can't seem to do so. my willpower is really flagging. all i want to do now is read and write my novels. it's becoming an addiction for me. if i admitted to myself truthfully, this is what i can do naturally and not really become bored or lose interest in. when i write something on cards or even write one short essay, i can think up the plot within minutes and the rest just comes naturally like flowing water. and that is ultimately why i won't give up sitting for the English AS exam for the general paper this november. i just can't. as for the commentaries, i already got familiar with it. i like to spot the small stuffs and think of what it means right now. when i chose the subject this year, when i just heard about the topics it covers i knew it would suit me better than anything else. and you know what, i never thought how well it would fit me. it was as if i was going home. the familiar grounds of my life.

2008-05-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

had a great conversation with sing yee and eng last thursday. we were talking about taking pictures. sing yee said she wished tht someone could actually write a script and make all of us act out in the field. there must also be a person shooting us professionally so we could capture life as itself. then i said, whenever we tried to shoot something, the picture would always turn up differently from the way we looked at it in real life, whether it is the distance, the set of colors or the ambiance that made it to be what it is in nature. sing yee said thats true. she said that she once saw this really great setting, the sun at the back of the thick clouds just peeping outwards. then there was this small ray of life showing through, casting it's straight rays downwards on the ground. she said she wished that she had a camera at that time. but even if someone did have one, it would not really portray that image as it is, for a camera is a different object, with a different range of view. what you see will not come out as the same thing in the camera. i agree. i noticed things at times, wishing that i could really capture them as i saw them and show others what i saw. it would be really interesting if i could point out what it was. maybe my answer lies here, maybe someday it would be the epitome of my future. but just maybe, not really.

i don't know how to start off with my own revisions this time. i got really bad marks for chem and bio. it didn't even reach a satisfactory mark. told mom about it, i know i got really depressed that day. when the questions came out, i should have known. they were predictable like hell, i should have spent more time focusing on that few topics than focusing on how to finish every single subject. i knew every single answer but i phrased everything wrongly making the answer vague and veering it to another meaning. and then the extra part was i didn't finish my test paper and panicked at last minute. the last mistake i made was that i spent too much time on the graph so i would have finished on time if i left it for the last part. damn i hate that paper. remind me never to make that stupid mistake again. my chem took a bad turn. i didn't explain enough as it seemed. got 67 for that test paper and the irony of it was that my mark was the highest in class. 67 67 67 67 i am really going mad. do you call 67 a mark at all? damn, the test paper sucks. i am no relegated into the C grade, long live the loser... the irony of the ironies......

2008-05-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

i just found the DKNY advertisement on net. yesterday our english teacher told us to do a commentary on the nina ricci perfume ad. to be honest, i like the DKNY ad better, the meaning given is clear and precise, very modern and it really brings out the depth of life itself, whether it is in the city or otherwise exotic places. here are some of the photos......

these are the diesel advertisement. the colors really bring out the life in the picture. very attractive and innovative. makes you know the meaning straight away.
this is the nina ricci ad, took me a lot of troubles to interpret the meanings since nothing seems to connect. but when i looked at it for almost an hour. i found that it really has depth. the silver sash hanging the crystal apple perfume bottle, the silver leaves, the light pastel colors, the woman's wavy hair, the gown, everything... but still because i wasted that half hour i found that i couldn't finish anything at all because there were too much things to write about.
i like this ad. the answer key was actually the apples. apple for New York, the big apple, then the rest really links. the big buildings, the red splash of color. the way it portray just makes you want to have it. that's what i like, strong and straight to the point!
this is the perfume bottle of the Nina Ricci perfume. Beautiful right? Like what the ad said...magical!

sting - shape of my heart

2008-05-27T07:14:00.001-07:00

oh yea, i just found out the movie is Leon or the professional. hope you guys enjoy

Sting - Shape of my Heart

2008-05-27T07:08:00.001-07:00

i loved this song since i was a little kid. somehow the song just reached into me. it was actually the soundtrack for a 1993 movie. i forgot what it was, but i just saw some glimpse of it. the video showed a hired killer walking back to his own flat every day. a girl of almost my own age sat at the edge of the railings looking at the passer by, smoking.the girl's parent were those kind of corrupted parents. then when she saw the man, she would give him a seductive glance every time he passes by. the man would ignore her, walk to his room then take off his coat. when he did, there were a lot of firearms strapped to his body. then he would open his case and reveal an AK47 (i think).
one day, a mass murder was held in the girl's home, killing her parents and her only brother. she was out at that time, buying the groceries. then when she came home and went into one of the room, she saw her parents lay dead on the floor, their steel, cold, soulless eyes facing her. she dropped the grocery bag and went straight to the man's house, crying and banging the door with desperation. when the man admitted her in, he refuse to take care of her so she took up the 9 millimeter gun on the table and started to shoot randomly at the passer bys below the flat. just like that, he took care of her and taught her how to shoot and plan an assassination. at the end the hired killer died by the gun of the police while trying to save the girl from them. she buried him under a tree and planted his favorite plant near his grave. the story was quite good actually, i wanted to search back the video but i still can't find it. it is an old song but i still loved it over the years, i doubt i will ever get bored with it. here's the lyrics..

"Shape Of My Heart"

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He doesn't play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape, the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape of my heart

2008-05-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

i am so dead meat today. i have a high stack of bio notes to read and i still haven't finish them off yet. i don't know what i am going to do this time but at least it is in the last period and when i come back i have a high pile of homework to finish. i really broke down last night, shouted at every single person because they woke me from my sleep. i woke up at 3 to just study yesterday so its just plain unreasonable to wake me up. i did nothing wrong,i won't admit it anyway. i am only sorry for my bro though, he did nothing to make him deserve all that shit he had to put up with. i am already at the end of my nerves. say one more word and i may blow your head off kind of situation. i tried to keep everything in, i tried that very hard, even to an extent of being sweet but when my fuse really blows, my nerves don't die down they explode. i don't care anymore about my studies but i can't can i?

2008-05-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

i just found this out in my computer. some of the shots are taken last two months, some of them just a few weeks ago...

Beauty

2008-05-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

Supa asked me about my 2 brothers yesterday. i guess we are in an age where looks matter a whole lot to us. she asked if my little bro will grow up some day to become as handsome as my 15 year old bro. i said he will be handsome but will not have the same attraction as my other bro will give. somehow he will have another kind of attraction, which is his intellectual, his caring nature and his much more innocent allure. that i believe, there has to be something different about a person to stand out in the crowd. but no matter what happens they will still be a part of my life, from childhood to maybe adulthood.

in english class yesterday, our teacher wanted us to comment on the 2006 DKNY perfume ad. there were apples, even the perfume itself was shaped as an apple with an apple like tag at the silver top of the perfume bottle. then khai saw this ad and said,
"the girl is so hot!" i couldn't help it, and laughed out loud with the others.
"you should watch less porn you know" hanah said irritatedly. i admit he should. it a damned nuinsense sometimes and its rude when you are talking to a person. he even made up a fantasy of being married to our beautiful english teacher. he had this really short haircut this time. hanah said he looked like a girl. when i gave a "speculation", he kept shaking his head asking me to deny what hanah said. then hanah told him to remove his glasses, and when he removed them... damn there could be no other boy looking more like a girl anymore. he pouted his lips then said,
"i'm not a gay and i wish to fuck a girl every single day!" at that time we really did double over, laughing into fits. talking about rude, it's also hilarious when he gets the full attention of the girls by being laughed at. we are so damned bad!
when i went to pick my little bro up, one of the student's mom always dressed to show her full body figure. whatever she chooses to dress, her code was to always look provocative. and the thing was that she always did. yesterday she was walking in the opposite direction to me across the road. she put up that haughty head of hers and walk straight across the road without bothering to look at the cars and still looked as she always did. i arched an eyebrow at her and looked towards the coming car's direction and guess what. the car's driver was actually a lady and her effort of staying sexy, came to nothing. haha, she just crossed the road as if all the drivers were male with drooping saliva from their mouth. thats the problem of being beautiful. sometimes you become so attentive to your appearance that you miss every single thing surrounding you and also become the laughingstock of the audiences surrounding you. the irony of it all.

My life, I own, I owe to myself

2008-05-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

my life has been different in a lot of ways. the things i went through, the sequence that my life was played out just makes me gasp sometimes at the deep emotion it made me feel. all my life i wanted to be free, to be at least not confined and tied up to a place but to take things into my own hands. That someday later will cause a lot of uproar in emotions. to be me, purely me without any other influences would be a bit hard after all we are all on stage acting our parts in our own world. Life, the meaning of my own life is still not that clear cut to me, and i doubt it ever would. to me life is the teachings of yourself to what your own life means and no others. they will be forever adding up, multiplying in numbers until it is so vast in variation that it can only be yours and no one else's. but before that i want to keep track of every single events so i will not miss out in myself and the things i treasure in my life. this will be my story about my own life in which people can only watch and see but not fully understand what i wish to imply in. Knowledge comes a long way, no one has the same set of mind when they live in the same space together and that in itself is a treasure because there can be only one you surrounding you. Like me, like life, like my own...