i never tried drawing my waterline before... and the only thing that i can say is... I really look like a bad girl... had to take a pic with the dorky glasses to soften it up..
start or not???
it has been a week after 2012... i kinda feel so empty inside. if there is a kind of post that i post... then i do post a lot of emo post... in a lot of times, i feel that i have not yet fulfilled my full potential in this world... the more i think of it, the more i realized that i am just wasting my time away... do i start now, while i feel that i need to improve? or do i start later when i can finally sit down and think of stuff the way i do? i feel that the things of what i want to do is just out there, waiting for me to reach out and take it... if i do admit to myself, i do admit that i am impatient to do what i wanna do now
i keep reminding myself everyday to be patient, to wait for the right time to go forward... but do i have time? do i have the patience? but then i have no choice on being patient, right? i HAVE to be patient... then i ask myself, why am i idling right now? not doing enough to prepare myself when the time comes... then at this time, i feel like i am at crossroads... in fact, to be honest, i am not preparing myself for that right time and preparation is gold for that golden moment when i start...
the main point is, i have to start, even if it means that i have to start in the middle of my exam time, i do have to start and still juggle with my exams and all... i just feel that this is the right time... and i hope that i am right...
cray-crayness..
Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
There goes the clock...
I used to take time for granted... now i am scrambling for time itself...
2 programs, 2 reports... all due tomorrow... and i still dun understand how to update the JTable... i feel so stupid and useless these days... my program can run perfectly... but then it doesnt give me the output that i desire... shit shit shit... i dun think i will be able to pass it up tomoro... even the database itself updates perfectly... not my JPanel... or my JTable for the fact... stupid fire doesnt even work... going once, going twice... i am OFFICIALLY CRAZY!!!
by someone or something who is going cray-cray...
time and time again
Is it time for me to feel again i wonder? At least I know now that i can feel other emotions other than the norm... as i had for a long long time... Time and time again i wonder when i would feel again... but this is not the time nor the place... and if i had nothing to lose then i probably would have completed what i wanted to do since i was a little kid... but with everything to lose and my instinctive fear of the unknown, I will not pursue things i want to pursue... somehow it makes me a coward and i hate that feeling...
Steve Jobs once said in his 2005 commencement "Live everyday as it is your last and you will overcome your fear of pursuing your dreams"... but then being brought up in a family that tolerates no failures... this habit of mine is hard to curb, especially when i hit potholes in the journey of my life... my mom was not even allowed to make mistakes when she was here... how can i as a mere daughter make mistakes in my life? especially mistakes that will involve my family financially... sometimes i do feel that there is more installed for me in the future rather than i am now... Can i wait? Do i wait?
The rambling thoughts of my mind...
nikki...
Inglot!!!
Damn it!!! I actually managed to let another soft opening of another famous new store to slip pass me again..!!! Anyway... i am too lazy to move now after exam so soft opening or whatsoever, be damned... haha... o... by the way... their soft opening is today and its held at Sunway pyramid, KL...haha...
haha... anyway... inglot is actually a british brand and their eye shadow colours are amazing... coz they blend out so beautifully and so smoothly that it feels like you are kind of working with water colors instead of eyeshadows... haha.. at least that is what xSparkage said... she did a few makeup tutorials using these eyeshadows... and i am actually surprised that they would have their first south east asian store in malaysia rather than singapore... in my opinion... i think they do have better quality makeup products than Mac.. coz when you compare all the swatches on the online pics using Mac products with Inglot products... Inglot products actually do fare better... but then i think even if i went there... i would only do some busybody-ing only... coz it would be more expensive than what i will be able to afford anyway...
anyway... since coming to kl... my main hobby is to molest all the goods that i cant really afford anyway... haha... but it is educational... makes you know the difference between the real and the fake products without having to go through all the spendings and stuff like that...
anyways.. with the acid splasher hanging around the sunway area recently... i doubt that i would even think of putting one foot on the turf of sunway pyramid when i don't have a car to promise me that i could go back straight away... so... sigh... longing... hehe... INGLOT!!!
signing off...
these days...
these days i am feeling really really lazy... i am having my exams in 3days... i still havent touched the book yet... i already looked through the question though... i am like thinking... if die die lo.. who cares... and i may come to regret thinking like that directly after the exams... i let myself down...
these days... i think i finally realized who i am... it finally made me realized that i have once again reverted back to the old me.. the old me before anything drastic in my life happened... i think for the first time in two years.. or maybe more than that, i can finally say that my mental scars healed... it was a long journey... but finally i can now safely say that i no longer narrow my views to just one strict path... drastic changes in your life can make you that way... some say that drastic changes make you mature.. but in my case, i think it made me more pessimistic.. more blind... more hurtful to others... but then i have also changed a lot... i don't 100% resemble my old self either... its as if everything just blended into place... tucked into the corners where they are necessary... it made me realize how stupid i am in handling all my previous problems... how naive i am... only my subconscious saved me from doing the wrong thing i guess... if i could have relived my life again... i would actually wish to right all the things that i have done... the decisions i made.. especially my naive self at that time of my life.. being pushed to one decision so subtly that i didn't realize that i was being coerced into doing so.. my mother's art of knowing me too well... but then she must have had her reason why..i was just simply not there to understand why... or maybe i do.. but i just dun wanna admit it... but then that was simply the biggest part of me that regretted the decision that i have made..
now i think i am better at getting myself out of ditches.. making my own decisions on choosing a path that i think will solve my problem... and the thought of actually solving a problem is a big improvement for me... in fact.. i dun think i linger on a solution that has no outings anymore... and sometimes... showing some stupidity helps... in fact... it helps a lot..!! but then stupidity is there for a reason.. to give an excuse not to think too much... haha... but these days... i think it is due to the lack of sleep.. i keep losing my trail of thoughts... especially in conversations.. and then i noticed i also panicked for reasons that are already evident why they are there in the first place... so exams.. i have a question for you... why are you draining my life right in front of my eyes, drop by drop? haha... as if the term exams are human..
anyway... cheers, going to sign off now..
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