i hate these days

i hated my sunday... i was bored the whole day through... although the food was great, i can't taste it... it looked great in other ways... i felt a whole lot of nostalgia going over me... face it, chia shing... i am just not happy... i don't like the conversations, it just plain freaks me out, and i hate putting myself into a vulnerable position with people i just plain have no feelings with... i feel as if i am this doll playacting in her own prissy role, acting delicate, overly sweet just for the sake of the day, dress up because plain vanity and pride won't let me act otherwise... i kept thinking to myself, when did i become such a bitch in my life? why did i get myself in a position i abhor as plain as day? its just why why why until i really pleaded to go back because of sleepiness... which i didnt feel on that day... i should solve this problem... i just need to act upon it...

On monday, it was already 13.50 and my class starts at 14.00, my marathon of smses started again... while i was getting my phone out, my keys fell off somewhere... i spent 15 minutes searching for it... finally found it beside the staircase.. silly me... silly me for being so frustrated till everything in my life turned upside down... still the smses annoyed me for the whole day...
i feel as if i want to throw the phone off just to have my peace, keep my cool... i didnt reply it... i just didnt want to talk, i don't want to see it...

tuesday, its another morning nikita again... seriously, i am really starting to hate that name...if i received another okluu... or another sniff or another T.T or another ones of my full names...i am going to dump my phone into the dustbin...seriously this is just pissing me off big time... can't u get it into your freaking head that "I DON'T LIKE TO BE STALKED"...? i don't like to reply to each and every single sms like i have to pass up reports... i don't even have to reply them... seriously my total sms reach like 200 to 300 in ONE DAMNED FREAKING WEEK!!! i can't concentrate, i can't study, i can't freaking just focus... the one thing i am assured of myself is that, i am selfish by nature... i always will be...so just leave me in peace or else i will freaking chuck u out myself...