痴情...

Sometimes i can't understand a person waiting for someone until it spans to years... especially when a person is so young...maybe its because i haven't been able to love another person in a long time already... or i am probably just envying the power and the willingness to wait for a memory... for me... a person needs only to wait on another person for a maximum of 5 years, more than that, i most probably will attach stupidity on his or her head. for me, unless you are waiting for a person whom u are married to, your maximum waiting time is 5 years... if it drags more than that, it really makes a person wonder whether they ever think about the factors of people changing over time. as time passes, people change, new habits are developed, new set of conversations are spoken, new sets of hobbies are taken up... so what do you have left in common with the person you have not seen for years? let alone have a relationship with something nearer to a mirage rather than reality? this is just my opinion, this article can mainly just be a case study of my natural curiousity..

ps... comments are widely welcomed...

mood swings...

for me the definition of mood swings have always been more towards the downside of it... the feeling of being pressed on the chest so hard, that your breath feels long and choppy.. the feeling as if your heart has dropped to the deepest end of your soul, beating and working too hard to keep you alive... the feeling of what people call depression... that is what i am feeling half an hour ago... the feeling of being so down in the pit that you struggle so hard to make yourself come out of that hole again...

sometimes, i do wonder, can i blame what i experienced through so far? people may understand if you tried to explain it... but when you come to think of it... is it only an excuse for you to do so? shouldn't you learn to not feel it and get out of it all the time when you do? previously when i felt this way... i would just sleep myself through the emotion then wake up unscathed... Although i noe its the coward's way out but most of the times it works... but at times it would turn worst... plunging me into full depression where i would just wake up crying because my heart felt just so squished... i think the saddest people in the world are people who can't get or wouldn't try to even get themselves out of what they are feeling.. when luxury becomes the norm, emotions are your worst enemy... i know them well... and i hate them for such a reason...

my solution for this? rock music... although people may say that the more you listen to rock music or hip hop music, the more violent your soul is... i guess if that is true then my soul is indeed violent... i love those musics... and i rarely listen to soft musics... if i can avoid them altogether... i hate them sometimes in fact... that is why i can never sit in my dad's car without my earphones on or have something to distract me from the music he likes... but what i like about rock music is that when u are feeling down... it kinds of drowns out all of the unwanted emotion.. making your path in front clear and peaceful again... although the lyrics say otherwise.. i guess maybe i am just not like other girls... which i cant say much of it...

Nikita signing off..

Annual dinner night at aprilfools day 2011

Haha... vain photos of myself b4 annual dinner...it washed my blush out due to the sunlight outside... but then i dun think there was enuf of it to begin with...


I think the nature of my makeup didnt really show up well in the pictures... but i never really seen myself with full makeup before this... and when i walked halfway to gwen's place, i was so damn paranoid that i started to call her... my first words were:
"oh my god, gwen..."
and her first words were:
"are u ok or not?"
hahaha... it was so damned funny... i was freaking out coz i never wear full makeup. They scare me coz i looked scarily pretty... and i do mean scarily pretty... coz it doesnt really look like me and at the same time it is an extra enhanced version of me... as if i had implants or something... haha... anyway... nevermind that... the email told us to be at the busstand by 5.30... i kept rushing gwen to finish her stuff on time. I on the other hand was throwing stuff inside gwen's dinner bag, while she prepared as fast as she could and when we got there... the bus was not even half full.. Then we started chatting in the bus... in the middle of the convo, i just suddenly asked gwen:
"gwen, did u take the mos ticket..." and she was like "o shit"... haha... we worried about the time coz the email said we were supposed to depart at 5.30 and it was already 5.50. In the end we just decided to ask the guy who was in charge whether we could go and get our stuff then come back or something. Luckily he said that they were departing at 6pm or else we are surely busted... we kind of ambled on towards gwen's room with our super high heels and looking at gwen's expression at the time... the shoes should have caused her a lot of pain...anyway.. we managed to get everything we wanted and came back sharp at 6pm... i think most of the vietnamese attended the annual dinner and most of the girls really dressed themselves up in debutante dresses which were white and flowy with a lot of chiffon going on... compared to them, my dress felt very casual. As bad as i normally am... i was thinking..."they are sure gonna regret their decision of dressing up in debutante dresses..." I thought of that because:
1. they cannot go clubbing with those dresses...
2.they are gonna have a hard time cleaning the hem of the dress coz they are going to walk through a pile of not exactly clean and dry floor
haha... i know i am evil... just don't remind me of it...

this is the main entrance of the sunway pyramid hotel... i went here once... i like the pool area, it was nice... but other than that... this hotel is freaking expensive with room prices of rm400 to rm500 per night...
me posing with the fake elephant outside the hotel...

gwen posing in front of the elephant in front of the hotel...

gwen taking pix of the girls u see on the left hand side of the pix above...

me and gwen... so sweet...hehe..
me and gwen showing off...hehe...

i noe its kind of disgusting sometimes... but then this pic is at the toilet area... haha... we made sure that it didn't smell before taking this pic.. u can see my eyes are red that day.. its not the play of the light...

ok... gwen was right... i do look scary in this pic... i think i look like a phantom...haha...

my shoes are the black ones... gwen's is the hot pink cinderella one... hehe... i chose that shoe because i was thinking more about clubbing later on than anything else...

another pic of our shoes...hmmm... my decision wasn't so bad... coz i saw another girl really had on the hard core boots for the annual dinner night...

this was the opening ceremony of the annual dinner "deception" 2011... i am a lousy photographer... i admit... hehe... it looks more like a nuclear explosion than the laser light...
me and gwen... hehe... i love this pic the best... thank you chuan yang for taking our photo... or else it would end up badly...hehe... if i took it...

we went to MOS i think around 11 and partied until 3am in the morn... had only one glass of white wine coz it was complimentary... the dj rocks... i really like the techno songs he played... and some of the girls from the prom even got artistic and did a stripper like dance on the podium (hehe.. sorry boys... it's sans the stripping of clothes part). me and gwen really dance till our feet ached like crazy.. anyway... after that we went to 7 11 for awhile and bought a drink and waited for the bus later on... in the bus... we slept from the time we departed from mos...until we reached semenyih... i dunno much about gwen but i knew i felt instantly awake when i opened my eyes and saw that we had already reached semenyih... later on... we were like contemplating whether to go to gwen's room or not... coz she said the moment she hit her room, she didn't think that she wanted to come out anymore... but in the end we did and luckily we did, coz i dun think that she would be able to walk properly in those heels when we finally finished our drinking session and came back in the morning...

hehe... daniel and chuan yang were so sweet... they walked me back to my hall and daniel accompanied me until my doorstep... i did sway at least 3 times because of drunkenness... haha... i dun even think drunkenness is a word... anyway...i dropped the keys when i was outside my room.. daniel laughed... and i was wondering in my inebriated state how i got myself into this position... haha... anyway.. the drinking session was fun... and tip of the day: NEVER EVER AND I SAID NEVER EVER mix kickapoo with a bottle of mandarin tasted vodka... yuck... that was the worst drink ever in my life... it tasted like those antibiotic lemony cough medicine they give in RIPAS... ewww... only that it is worst because of the alcohol smell... 7up and vodka is not that bad but then it still tasted like meds... only that it is now in my number 2 lists of worst drink ever in my life... hahaha... i was knocked out after that session... and i dunno how i even managed to have a shower in that state before i collasped on the bed...

note from this experience: never do it again if u can avoid it.. the vodka tasted like shit with sodas, and never wear high heels when u noe u are going to get drunk...hahaha...

to my mom

scene:

Finally my tweety bag is mended, i despaired it over the few days coz it was my favorite bag and it was so cute but the thing was that it was plastic which means although i suck at needlework, i couldn't just mend it with a few clumsy stitches. I have to thank the maid for doing such a good job over it. finally i spotted her as she walked into her room.

"Terima kasih ya" I told the maid. She looked at me blankly and just nodded her head. Seeing her confusion i pointed to my bag, so she nodded her head again. My mom came and she asked me,
"你在做什么， 佳馨？"
“哦， 啊咪啊， 你看他帮我做的...”
"他怎么可能会帮你做这些...是我做的。"
with that sentence she looked a bit wounded that i would think that the maid repaired my bag instead of her.
"妈咪啊，我真的以为是他做的， 因为我真的以为你叫他做的嘛"
"不是他做的，你觉得他会做到这样好给你吗？"
“但是你每次都只是疼eu kean 而已， 你都不疼我的...”
"为什么你会这样子想呢？ 你不知道孩子如果像爸爸或妈妈就等于他的爸爸或妈妈就疼她比较多吗？"
with a hurt look she turned away teary eyed and just walked towards the master bedroom, i stood there watching her, while stroking the silk pieces of cloth that she uses to mend my bag. Even with my 9 year old eyes i could see the perfect and tight stitches she used to make the pieces of cloth stay on the plastic tweety bag. My heart felt warm, secure while i regretted hurting her that much during that day. My 9 year old mind could see what a desperate mother and wife she had become when she just came back from the philippines with my dad. If i could turn back time and correct what i was saying that day, i would have dearly with all my heart...

writing as chia shing in this piece...