mood swings...

for me the definition of mood swings have always been more towards the downside of it... the feeling of being pressed on the chest so hard, that your breath feels long and choppy.. the feeling as if your heart has dropped to the deepest end of your soul, beating and working too hard to keep you alive... the feeling of what people call depression... that is what i am feeling half an hour ago... the feeling of being so down in the pit that you struggle so hard to make yourself come out of that hole again...

sometimes, i do wonder, can i blame what i experienced through so far? people may understand if you tried to explain it... but when you come to think of it... is it only an excuse for you to do so? shouldn't you learn to not feel it and get out of it all the time when you do? previously when i felt this way... i would just sleep myself through the emotion then wake up unscathed... Although i noe its the coward's way out but most of the times it works... but at times it would turn worst... plunging me into full depression where i would just wake up crying because my heart felt just so squished... i think the saddest people in the world are people who can't get or wouldn't try to even get themselves out of what they are feeling.. when luxury becomes the norm, emotions are your worst enemy... i know them well... and i hate them for such a reason...

my solution for this? rock music... although people may say that the more you listen to rock music or hip hop music, the more violent your soul is... i guess if that is true then my soul is indeed violent... i love those musics... and i rarely listen to soft musics... if i can avoid them altogether... i hate them sometimes in fact... that is why i can never sit in my dad's car without my earphones on or have something to distract me from the music he likes... but what i like about rock music is that when u are feeling down... it kinds of drowns out all of the unwanted emotion.. making your path in front clear and peaceful again... although the lyrics say otherwise.. i guess maybe i am just not like other girls... which i cant say much of it...

Nikita signing off..